Remember how much your mother used to embarrass you in your youth, even though she was essentially just a normal, good-natured woman trying to do the best by you? Just imagine if your mother was Madonna.

Because your Mum probably hasn't writhed around in a skintight leotard or kissed Britney Spears with tongues or marketed a book all about how her minge and tits look. Well, your Mum has, obviously – but most people's Mums haven't. However, all that stuff is Madonna's stock in trade, so we're fairly surprised that her daughter Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon hasn't actually become so embarrassed that she's burst into flames yet. But since Lourdes hasn't self-combusted out of shame, it's thought that she must have some sort of magical power – exactly the sort of magical power that's reportedly caused the producers of the next Harry Potter movie to offer her a role in it.

You have to pity Madonna's daughter Lourdes just a little bit sometimes. Now that she's 11 years old, Lourdes is starting to work out her role in the world; a difficult enough task for anyone, let alone someone with a mother so overbearing that she genuinely believes she can save the world from all natural disasters by herself. Factor in all the attention she's been starved of attention by all the hoo-hah surrounding Madonna's adoption of David Banda from Malawi and the constant presence of her part-cockney half-brother Rocco and you have to feel for the girl.

Lourdes – sometimes known as Lola – already thinks that Madonna is gay plus she's not getting any Christmas presents this year thanks to all that bloody Kabbalah malarkey Madonna does, so Lourdes looks like a girl who needs cheering up. And what better way to cheer her up than by letting her star in Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, the next Harry Potter movie.

It's been reported that Harry Potter producers want Lourdes to fill a small role in the movie, and have contacted her through Madonna. A source told The Sun that:

"Lola has definitely inherited her mother’s hunger for fame. After all her recent public appearances, looking more like a sophisticated teen than a child, the attention on her is really growing. Offers have poured in – film offers, sponsorship. An executive at Warners wanted to cast Lola in the last Potter film and has renewed his interest for the next movie. Lola would love to do it – she is a huge fan."

It'd certainly be a coup to get Lourdes to star in Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, although that's working on the basis that while Lourdes shares Madonna's hunger for fame, she doesn't share any of her acting skills whatsoever. Because if Madonna's acting gene was strong enough to pass through to Lourdes, her Harry Potter cameo is just going to consist of her garbling words that she barely looks as if she understands and then trying to appear sexy but ending up pulling a face that looks like a short-sighted pensioner attempting to read the world's tiniest menu.

Anyway, it doesn't look as if Lourdes' Harry Potter role will happen, because Madonna is keen on giving her as normal a childhood as possible – with sources claiming that Madonna has already nixed plans to give Lourdes her own H&M clothing line.

But if Madonna turns down Harry Potter on Lourdes' behalf, Lourdes is bound to be deeply upset by it. That's why we propose a compromise – instead of starring in Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, Madonna could arrange for her to have a small part in Guy Ritchie's next movie. That way Lourdes can experience what it's like to be in a movie without the pressure of knowing that anyone's actually going to watch it.