Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, we do believe you’ve stumbled upon a clever new tactic.
Despite being the worst-received movie of the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince looks set to become the most successful movie in the franchise’s history, topping the weekend box office by some margin.
So the worse a Harry Potter film is, the better it does. That’s great news, especially for those of us who wanted part two of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows to feature nothing but Harry Potter staring at a shoebox for three hours and then meekly farting.
Out of the way, ropey movie spin-offs of 1960s TV shows! Stand back, tedious and slightly racist-seeming giant robots! Shove over, um, that Fatal Attraction rip-off that Beyonce did! Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince is here, and it might just become the biggest US weekend box office hit of the year so far, taking almost $160 million in its first five days.
And that bodes well for Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, because that’s got everything that Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince had, and more. And by ‘and more’ we mean ‘and an owl getting graphically murdered’. But who doesn’t love a bit of owl-murder, eh? Here’s the weekend box office top five…
1 – Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince (Spoiler alert – the half-blood prince in Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince is actually Prince. He kills Dumbledore with the funk. Or something. Let’s not pretend that we’re interested in seeing or reading anything about this ever. Our way is better) $79,475,000
2 - Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (Dawn Of The Dinosaurs apparently refers to a period of prehistorical time, and not the rough girl we went to school with called Dawn who had scaly skin and spiny humps across her back. And apparently that’s not grounds for a refund. Bastards) $17,700,000
3 - Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (Hands up who else was disappointed when The Fallen was revealed to be a robot rather than an army of brittle-boned pensioners who just spent three days laying at the foot of their stairs because their personal alarm pendants had run out of batteries? No? Just us?) $13,750,000
4 – Bruno (A gigantic drop for last week’s weekend box office number one. Maybe talking urethras aren’t the future of cinema after all. Disappointing) $8,374,000
5 - The Hangover (Seven weeks. The Hangover has been in the weekend box office for seven poxy weeks now. Someone put it out of its misery, please. That bad film with Katherine Heigl in, we’re counting on you) $8,315,000
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Look up your information before you mention it. Harry Potter and the HalfBlood Prince is the third best critically received movie in the franchise, both in RottenTomatoes and Metacritic. This is journalism at its worst.
Oh shut up, ‘JavierRoquebert’, you tragic nonentity. Honestly – these whinging comments after practically every article on this site could drive a relatively sane man to murder kittens with hammers.