Harry Potter And The US Weekend Box Office Ass-Kicking

With the same plodding, relentless predictability as most of the Harry Potter books, Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire has managed to spend another weekend at the top of the US box office.

It’s not really a surprise, though, is it? The latest movie in an insanely popular children’s franchise has taken more money than a shonky remake of some rubbish musical. Big wow.

Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire is breaking box office records
all over the joint. It’s already had the most successful opening of any
British movie in it’s home country, and only Spiderman, Star Wars
Episode III and Shrek 2 have taken more money in their opening US box
office weekends.

And if that wasn’t enough, the new Harry Potter film also got beamed
into space last week, so that the adventures of the zany teenage wizard
could be enjoyed by astronauts aboard the International Space Station
and eavesdropping aliens alike.

Here’s the full US weekend box office chart:

1 - Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (Never mind all the creepy
countdowns until the day that Hermione becomes legal, we want to see a
countdown until a middle-aged Daniel Radcliffe - perturbed that people
still call him Harry - dismisses the whole series as rubbish and all
Harry Potter fans as arseholes) $54,905,000

2 - Walk The Line (Singers all around the world must be looking
forward to the day that they die, so a schmaltzy Oscar-hungry biopic
can get cynically greenlighted in their name) $19,700,000

3 - Yours, Mine And Ours (Dennis Quaid continues his big comeback by
starring in a needless lukewarm remake of a film that nobody really
remembers anyway. Way to go, Dennis!) $17,475,000

4 - Chicken Little (Features the vocal talents of Adam West, Patrick
Stewart and Joan Cusack as well as that whiny bloke from Scrubs)
$12,421,000

5 - Rent (It looks like movie remakes of plays are the new hot
thing. Great - it’ll be interesting to see how movie-makers deal with
complicated plays like, say, The Lion King) $10,700,000

6 - Just Friends (A film about how hilarious and rubbish fat people
are and how really bloody sexy skinny people are. Maybe) $9,275,000

7 - Pride And Prejudice (Two posh English girls twitter around incessantly until everyone’s brains fall off) $7,027,000

8 - Zathura (A film about a spooky board game. Just like Jumanji. And, um, Gooey Looey The Motion Picture) $4,900,000

9 - Derailed (An anagram of Derailed? Dire Lead) $4,717,000

10 - In The Mix (Page Kennedy goes through an entire movie without
taking his willy out and flapping it around. Not that he does that
anyway, of course) $4,475,000

Read more:

Weekend box office - Box Office Mojo

[story by Stuart Heritage]