You know that horrible feeling of dread you've had in your stomach these last few weeks? That's your body reminding you that the Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows hype campaign is getting closer and closer, and you can't stop it.

All around the world, plans are being put together to make sure you know all about Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows before it comes out – chances are you won't be able to watch TV, read a newspaper, go to the cinema, look at the internet, open your eyes or breathe in without being very violently reminded that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is about to hit the shelves. And don't think this Harry Potter torture is going to end there either – American Harry Potter publisher Scholastic has announced a record-breaking first printing of 12 million Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows books. That means if Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows isn't a success, you may very well find yourself living in a house constructed entirely out of unsold copies before too long.

If you thought that there was a lot of fuss when Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince was released – what with morons freaking out about Dumbledore dying and JK Rowling going to a castle at midnight on telly just to read a completely out-of context paragraph about a sweetshop in front of some needlessly excited children – you haven't seen anything yet. Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is out in July, and no Harry Potter fact is too small for the world's media to spuff off into its knickers over. Harry Potter dies in the last book – that's a given – but if the poxy little coded game to announce the book's title sent the world into a frenzy, imagine how annoying the actual release of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be – especially when America is printing 12 million copies of it in one go. The New York Daily News reports:

The final Harry Potter book will have a record-breaking, backbreaking first printing of 12 million copies, Scholastic Inc. announced yesterday. And, for those who somehow DON'T KNOW about Potter 7, Scholastic also plans a multimillion-dollar marketing campaign in support of J.K. Rowling's "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," which comes out July 21. "This is so much more than the publication of a single book," said Lisa Holton, president of Scholastic Trade and Book Fairs. "It's a true celebration of the Harry Potter movement and of the joy of reading."

Yeah, the joy of reading. The fact that this is Scholastic's last chance to pump enough cash out of all the Harry Potter fans to buy the Scholastic CEO a million platinum-coated ponies is probably just by-the-by. Anyway, its indisputable that 12 million copies of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a gigantic amount – it's encroaching on Bible territory. And that sort of makes JK Rowling God. We're looking forward to reading Rowling's version of the Ten Commandments if that's the case – 1) Thou shalt not be skinnier than me or I will throw a strop, 2) Thou cannot buy decent paper in big Scottish cities, 3) God reserves the right to do more Harry Potter books when all her other stuff fails without a trace…

And it's not just Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows that you need to worry about. There's also the impending 'Harry Potter kisses a girl' Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix movie coming out a matter of weeks before the book arrives. There's nothing you can do; Harry Potter hype is here and nothing can mess it up.

Not even Harry Potter's cock.

Read more: 

Last Potter 1st Run – 12 Million – New York Daily News