Career reinvention is always tough; especially if, like Nick Lachey, your old career involved helping an idiot bimbo woman through a number of rudimentary situations on a reality TV show like some sort of guide dog for the woefully moronic.
But, by jingo, Nick Lachey seems to have deftly pulled off his latest career reinvention in a matter of seconds. Although up until recently the public image of Nick Lachey was nothing more than as the unfamous professional ex-husband of lantern-jawed popstar Jessica Simpson, now everyone sees Nick Lachey as a kind of unstoppably powerful sex contraption – and it's all thanks to a set of hardcore photos of Nick Lachey having sex with his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo in a jacuzzi. However, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are now threatening legal action against anyone who publishes their sex photos, which is just as well, since we're expecting them to be so disgusting that our eyes will turn to ash the second we see them.
Everyone thinks they know Nick Lachey. Thanks to his TV series The Newlyweds, which followed the life of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson as they tried to figure out how to open a jar or what a door was, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson became the world's borderline attractive, borderline special needs golden couple. Jessica Simpson was the girl with the goofy charisma, the all-American charm and the special breasts, while Nick Lachey was the man who sort of followed Jessica Simpson around a bit.
But Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson got divorced in 2005, and their paths have skewed off wildly. While Jessica Simpson has been content to hopelessly mangle a Dolly Parton tribute, Nick Lachey has instead focused on stopping internet paedophiles and totally boning his new girlfriend in a hot tub for the world's paparazzi.
The current issue of Life & Style magazine contains photos of Nick Lachey and his girlfriend, former MTV presenter Vanessa Minnillo, 'cavorting' in a Mexican jacuzzi. That's bad enough – we thought that it was only pensioners who cavorted these days – but rumour has it that there are other unpublished photos of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo doing a bunch of sex so graphically that they would probably make children cry. And if Nick Lachey gets his way, those sex photos will remain unpublished. The Daily Dish reports:
Hollywood attorney Marty Singer, who represents the couple, claims the "outrageous and malicious" photographer who snapped the pictures did so illegally. Singer says, "The photos that were taken of our clients by a Mexican photographer violated Mexican law and were a clear invasion of privacy, and we have threatened to take legal action against third parties who publish the photos."
Now, there's obviously the argument that having it off with your girlfriend in an outside jacuzzi sort of diminishes your claim that you wanted privacy, but we're going to go along with Nick Lachey here – not out of a sense of moral decency but because we've barely got over the threat of seeing Scott Stapp's sex tape, and we don't want to be haunted by the image of Nick Lachey's naked arse pumping up and down the same way that Fred Durst's 'O' face haunted us. However, pictures like this never stay hidden for long – it'll be relatively easy for Nick Lachey to ban his sex photos from being published in magazines, but photos of minor celebrities having sex are also the sort of thing that the internet was built for.
But we shouldn't underestimate Nick Lachey's God-given talent for turning a bad situation to his own advantage. Just as Nick used the break-up of his marriage to Jessica Simpson to punt out a sad, brutally scab-picking album, we don't see how the publication of some graphic sex photos of him should prove to be any different. And Nick Lachey seems to agree with us too – word has it he's already written songs entitled I'm Gonna Do You (In The Hot Tub), Doing It In The Hot Tub (All Night Long) and Hey Mr Paparazzi, Take A Photo Of My Boner (And Show It To My Big-Jawed Ex-Wife).
Read more:
Magazines Warned Not To Publish Lachey And Minnillo Photos – Daily Dish
Bobby Ewing says
Well, there are a few pics at the link in this post that will tide you over – heh heh heh
http://www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=8909288#8909288
Wadey says
Was Bobby Ewing in Dynesty?
Anyway I’ve a horrible feeling that some photos have been stolen from my house by the Au Pair. The stills in question may include some of me in the bath. Let’s hope they don’t find their way onto some of the Internet’s more “broadminded” sites. I’ve searched “bubbles” and “ducks” with no joy whatsoever.
Bobby Ewing says
Wrong show – Dallas… Parents were kinda sick in the head to curse me with that name… Imagine what grade school was like…. The last name was already bad enough
kiss off skank nessa says
No one is jealous of that little twit vanessa.
I am not a friend of jess. But, I like her personality and the image she reflects as being a sweet girl.
Who would have a inferiority complex over a coked up,drunken, ex- beauty pageant winner?? Many intelligent women have competed in beauty talent shows such as ms. universe or ms.america and they are not drunken sluts.
Sorry, vanessa you are popular as a piece of dried up cow’s manure. Woops!! Cow manure is more popular.. You know with gardening and everything..LOL
Nick and his hairplugs have bad taste in girlfriends. But, look how he treated his wife.
If I was jessica, I would of slapped the heck out of him along time ago. Nick lachey and his hairplugs are not all that.(giggles)
My only problem with jessica is that- she is too nice.
She needs to learn to be a B-Y-O-T-C-H sometimes. She could start by kicking vanessa’s butt all the way back to NY. The skank is stinking up California.
סקס says
twit vanessa.
so handsome wow
סקס says
i love