Halle Berry's inevitable biopic just got a good part. In about 40 years when Jamie Foxx finally gets to play her, he won't have to act the part of a fashion model that was sad because she was shorter than all the other fashion models. No longer will that film need to revolve around a woman playing a boring superhero perplexed because she was getting so much less screen time than Frasier Crane.
Because the crux of that movie can now be about the time Halle Berry literally tried to kill herself in a car full of toxic farts. Yeah, read that last line again. Is it setting in? Now 'toxic farts,' for those confused, is how rich people say 'pooping stank air.' It's likely a very liberal interpretation of Berry's exact quote, but when she's dropping lines like 'I knew the gas was coming', you tell us – how's an immature website supposed to interpret that sort of thing? In the future when Berry details her all-too-real suicide attempt she should choose her words more carefully. That's all we're saying.
When a lot of girls realise they'll never marry again, their feelings of self worth can really nose-dive. This depression can end in one of two completely logical and smart, smart ways – suicide or pregnancy. For the former there've been a few recent attempted 'celebrity' examples – Brit-Brit comes to mind pretty readily, and David Hasselhoff's wicked famous half-car daughter is kind of right there too. Even Tom Jones completely understands the suicide ordeal. He's said as much. The baby route is popular too – just ask our three ex-step moms about the time they took us down to 'the clinic'. It was unnatural!
Halle Berry seriously contemplated the suicide thing several years ago, and she's seriously contemplating the baby thing now. Let's start with the suicide bit. It was right after she divorced David Justice. You'd like to know exactly what she said, wouldn't you? Well we're not gonna make it that easy. Below we will give you two quotes, one is the real deal, and one has been ever so slightly altered by us. Can you tell which is which? Quote One:
"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. My sense of worth was so low. I had to reprogram myself to see the good in me. Because someone didn't love me didn't mean I was unlovable. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."
Quote two:
"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much [to] her [dark lord lucifer], and to end my life would be an incredibly [awesome thing on the right flaming alter]. My sense of worth was so low. I had to reprogram myself to [not kill baby ducks and chickens to honour and please my mother]. Because someone didn't [want me to kill baby ducks and chickens to honour and please my mother] didn't mean I was [a bad cannibal-priestess]. I promised myself I would never be a coward again, [y'all]."
Halle Berry – you are weirding us out, man! When Berry was done with her possible weird devil rant, she went on to talk about how her sights are set on a different chapter in her life, which is motherhood. Guess the quote: Quote One:
"My sights are set on a different chapter in my life, which is motherhood."
Quote two:
"[I heart Skeletor!]"
Halle, what the crap!? We're sitting here trying to…This whole story is so… it's just too… Berry, you are no longer welcome here.
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Robert garrett says
Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. There MUST be something seriously wrong with her that we can’t see for her to get dumped by so many guys! Most guys would’nt dump her if she craped in bed every night! So what the hell is wrong with this women?
sennick allen says
do’nt leave, be$ides you kill you$elf U know thats a straight trip to you know.
BUT your Halle B. you might go to heaven but regardless I’ll see you there!
but still do’nt leave! Da $uperLLlover
[email protected] says
WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL? whats going on here?
Eliza Woodburn says
I believed Halle Berry was in such a caring relationship with views of a long-term marriage. Seems there are not any joyful marriages like mine any more – 20 years as one and still on cloud nine.