Poor Gwyneth Paltrow. No one listens to her. Why doesn’t Chris Martin get that when she says no junk food, she means it??
All she wanted was to get out of the house for a few days and promote her stupid cookbook without having to worry about her kids eating the very food she rails against at every opportunity, but wouldn’t you know it, she just can’t catch a break.
According to the Enquirer:
“While Gwyneth Paltrow went off to do a bookstore gig promoting her ‘It’s All Good’ cookbook in New York’s chi-chi Hamptons, hubby Chris Martin whisked their kids Apple and Moses to a local McDonalds — even though health-nut Mommy had told him to feed them a healthy, nutritious meal because they’d be on the run all day.
‘I thought I asked you to take them for a healthy lunch,’ she snapped at Chris, then launched into a yada-yada rant about how she :’can’t understand why he never follows her directions’.”
First of all, “chi-chi”? Really, Enquirer? Second of all, I get wanting your kids to eat healthy, but she’s not giving them the chance to build up any food immunities.
Once the end of the world hits and her family finally runs out of high-protein organic vitamin dust, they’ll have to rely on whatever leftover fast food has magically survived, and, without that tolerance for shitty food the rest of the world has built up, have to worry about explosive diarrhea.
And OMG can you imagine how embarrassed Gwyneth would be? You know she’d be decked out in entirely white as usual, and no matter how many scorch marks and peasant blood splatters you’ve gotten on your clothes in the throes of post-apocalyptic battle, people will always notice shit-stains on an all-white outfit.
Also, is anyone else worried that Gwyneth is going to end up backhanding Chris in a fit of calm, Evil Queen rage one of these days? Or maybe she’ll just lose it and go all Mommie Dearest on him, whipping him with French fries and screaming “NO MICKEY DEES!” Our thoughts are with you, Chris.