Gwyneth Paltrow Continues To Be The Queen Of Pretentiousness

Gwyneth PaltrowI swear in the next edition of the Oxford Dictionary, they should just replace the definitions of the words pretentious, smug, and uppity, with a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow.  Like numbers, her face means the same shit in any language.

Recently, Paltrow opened her GOOP hole and offended working mothers everywhere by implying her life was so much harder than theirs.  Basic bitches just have no idea how hard it is to be thin, Botoxed, and rich.

You know what’s weird?  I kind of adore Blythe Danner.  Even if she does do awkward commercials now about being old as shit, she was once in the greatest piece of cinematic work ever, To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, and for that there will always be a soft spot in my heart.  I almost forget sometimes that her uterus is the reason for Gwyneth Paltrow.

A few weeks ago, Gwyneth decided to start crying about hard it is to be a mom when you’re a famous actress.  She basically said that lowly middle class women working 9-5 for barely enough dough to pay their electricity bill have a much easier life than her because they get to go home every night, whereas sometimes Paltrow has to travel all over for movies.  Sure, she gets paid millions of dollars to emote on screen, but sometimes she has to travel to really third rate places like Florida or Canada, and that’s a rough gig, man.

Mothers from sea to shining sea bounded together to verbally tar and feather Gwyneth for being a dumbass shallow bitch, and now Paltrow is calling them out on her crappy GOOP website.  Of course, instead of taking any responsibility for her stupidness, she instead tried to turn it around on everyone else.  Just like with her divorce announcement (excuse me, “conscious uncoupling”) she manages to come off even more unlikeable than before.

A few weeks ago during an interview, I was asked why I have only worked on one film a year since having children. My answer was this: Film work takes one away from home and requires 12-14 hours a day, making it difficult to be the one to make the kids their lunch, drive them to school, and put them to bed. So I have found it easier on my family life to make a film the exception, and my 9-5 job the rule. This somehow was taken to mean I had said a 9-5 job is easier, and a lot of heat was thrown my way, especially by other working mothers who somehow used my out-of-context quote as an opportunity to express feelings (perhaps projected) on the subject. As the mommy wars rage on, I am constantly perplexed and amazed by how little slack we cut each other as women. We see disapproval in the eyes of other mothers when we say how long we breastfed (Too long? Not long enough?), or whether we have decided to go back to work versus stay home. Is it not hard enough to attempt to raise children thoughtfully, while contributing something, or bringing home some (or more) of the bacon? Why do we feel so entitled to opine, often so negatively, on the choices of other women? Perhaps because there is so much pressure to do it all, and do it all well all at the same time (impossible). Below is a somewhat radical piece by Brigid Schulte, which has provoked many a discussion here in our HQ, and even a tear or two

I totally believe Mommy Wars is a real thing, I mean Pinterest would not be nearly as successful without it, but this battle isn’t a part of them.  People, specifically fellow parents, are judging the fuck out of Paltrow because of Gwyneth being a white bread bitch who needs a massive slap from a single mother of two who eats GMOs and shops at Walmart.  You know, her archnemesis.  But since the likelihood of Paltrow removing the organic coconut oil lubed stick out of her ass is about the same as Justin Bieber learning humility, I am going to say Gwynnie will continue to play the martyr and not see why everyone hates her.

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