Most of the terrible things in the world can be traced back to Guy Ritchie if you try hard enough, you know – primarily all the terrible British gangster films starring wonk-eyed plebs trying to be all cockney and hard.
Guy Ritchie has made three of these gangster films himself, and each of them have somehow managed to be fifty times less good than the one before it, ending with Revolver; a film so bad that only about three people in the world have actually seen it including Guy Ritchie and his Mum. After the Revolver mess, did Guy Richie get the message and go back to directing adverts? Did he hell – he's just signed up to make another film. Another gangster film. For the love of God.
The list of bad things that Guy Ritchie is directly or indirectly responsible for is so long that there physically isn't enough internet to fit it all on, so here's just a taster: Vinnie Jones, Dexter Fletcher, The Transporter, city boys pretending to be cockney hardmen even though they're from Chichester, Swept Away, Robbie Williams' stupid new album, the acting career of Andre 3000 from OutKast, Madonna's stupid British accent, Madonna falling off a horse, Brad Pitt's godawful Irish accent in Snatch and the sight of Lisa Rogers from Scrapheap Challenge gyrating in a nightie on an episode of the Lock Stock TV show. And we're just touching the surface here.
Guy Ritchie's last two films have been amongst the worst-received in living memory. Swept Away, the wife-beaty romantic comedy starring Madonna, didn't even get a cinema release here, and Revolver got reviews so bad that a broadsheet newspaper actually investigated why The Sun called Revolver "brilliant" on the film's billboards. Now, say you're a producer. Knowing all of this, would you let Guy Ritchie direct a multi-million dollar movie for you? Us neither, but someone would.
According to Reuters, Guy Ritchie has signed on to direct a gangster movie by the name of Static. And according to Reuters, the plot of Static is this:
The story centres on a wrongly imprisoned gangster who, with the help of his loyal posse, must make his way across town through crooked cops and rival gangs in order to testify against the dirty cops who put him away.
If it's not bad enough that Guy Ritchie is directing Static, word is that he's also agreed to rewrite the script in his own ghastly image. We think we preferred Guy Ritchie when he was rowing with Madonna too much to get any work done.
[story by Stuart Heritage]