Some things in the world are set in stone – spring is followed by summer, day is followed by night and Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are physically unable to go more than five seconds without squabbling like inbred pinheads.
Although it's been a while since Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards split up in one of history's most vicious and needlessly elaborate celebrity divorces, it's good to know that Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are still at each other's throats enough for Charlie Sheen to go on TV and berate Denise for phoning him up all the time, apparently tipping off the press about flowers she sent to Charlie Sheen's new fiancee, not allowing Charlie to hire his own nanny for the children and for asking Charlie to apparently father another of her children. We don't know about you, but this news leaves us feeling all warm and cosy, like being reunited with an old chum. An old chum who you realise you're not all that fond of after about 30 seconds, but an old chum nonetheless.
Sometimes we think that Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards were sent to Earth by some sort of benevolent alien race with the sole purpose of cheering up children whose parents are divorcing, on the basis that nothing could be as ridiculous as Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards' divorce. That is unless those children have been lumbered with parents who routinely accuse each other of child porn fetishes and prostitute murder and leave each other telephone messages where they shout things like "You fucking cunt" and "You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger." Which we suppose is pretty feasible.
But the thing is, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards got divorced last year and everyone seemed to be happy with everything – Charlie Sheen got engaged and Denise Richards found happiness following the split from her best friend's ex-husband by hurling laptop computers at pensioners in wheelchairs – until now.
Because now Charlie Sheen is contesting the custody of the children he fathered with Denise Richards the only way he knows how – by going on TV and being just about as disparaging as a human being is ever likely to be. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Charlie Sheen decided to complain about the way that Denise Richards phones him up all the time, the way that Denise Richards ordered his fiancee some flowers purely so she could tip off the paparazzi beforehand, the way that Denise Richards won't let him employ a nanny of his own choosing and, weirdly, the way that Denise Richards wants Charlie Sheen to knock her up again. Entertainment Tonight reports:
"There was a request for a donation," says Charlie. "Without getting into it here … there is a specific document relating to this that I am going to reserve for a court." Would Charlie… consider the possibility? "I would sooner, in exactly what I'm wearing, walk on the surface of the moon," he proclaims. "Does that answer it?" Charlie's current legal situation prevents him and Brooke from hiring their own child care for the girls; Denise's nanny is there during visits. "The baffling thing about this is that if I'm good enough to, as it were, provide my DNA, I should surely be good enough to hire my own child care provider," he says.
Hopefully this is just the opening salvo of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards' child custody battle – it goes without saying that in a matter of days Denise Richards will hit back with a claim that she once found Charlie Sheen rolling around in a bathtub full of bear shit with a hairy Bulgarian prostitute or something. Let's hope so, at least – as easy as it is to have the most vicious Hollywood divorce ever, the title of most vicious Hollywood child custody battle is going to be a tough one to win. And they can thank Alec Baldwin for that.
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beth says
Unfortunately Charlie Sheen is such a disgusting person to me that I can’t even watch “Two and a Half Men”, a show which has
the very talented John Cryer. I heard it was very funny and I am sure that the writers are extremely talented but I can’t bring myself to watch that man on the TV screen for more than talk about his neverending divorce woes. I know it takes two to tango at the divorce game but the fact that Charlie Sheen would go as low to
claim that Denise Richards wanted his DNA….yeah right c’mon….I mean he is not the best looking guy and Denise Richards could do
a lot better. Who would want to have another child with that pervert?
Memphis says
While Sheen does have a bad past……I think Richards outdoes him here with sleaziness. She’s used every aspect of her personal life; her kids, her sick mother, her dogs, her divorce as an opportunity for publicity and then whines the public shouldn’t judge. Her kids will get to hear about how their dad didn’t want them or “didn’t want girls” when they get older, no matter if he changes, thanks to her, it’s out there……they seem like nothing more than pawns to her for photo ops. Even if you hate your ex-you don’t let the kids hear stuff like that about themselves….geez, lady, don’t you get it?
Everyone in the world knew what Sheen was into with the media coverage, and she claimed Sheen was using drugs again right off the start of their marriage, yet not only had one, but TWO kids with him. Good way to secure financial security and keep up with the Jones’s. She’s quickly being left in the dust as a younger, prettier young women take the bimbo roles she was known for and now Sheen’s even replaced her with a younger, prettier girl and most shallow, famous (oh, she MUST have famous!) guys who wouldn normally go for her, don’t want her baggage at this point…….she’s not above using her existing kids-why wouldn’t she want to get pregnant by him? What a way to sabatoge his existing relationship and bring attention to herself again? I hate to say it, but the former drug addict is looking like the saner parent at this point. I don’t know on what planet a good mother would drag her kids out day after day for photo ops and sorry, but she hasn’t worked in anything worthwhile in years…..no one is stupid enough to believe that the cameras are following her like princess Diana….SHE WISHES! I can’t imagine how screwed those kids will end up between addictive genes and the mother who’s so self absorbed, desperate and ruthless.
Even if Sheen were still into now what he was into in the past……he is what he is….maybe if she didn’t pick marriage as an opportunity for publicity and a feather in her cap as the “woman who changed Charlie Sheen,” she wouldn’t hate him so much?