You know how some people say that the Grammys only exist to cater for a smug, greying establishment?

Well they’re wrong. Last night, the big winner at the Grammys was… oh. Alright, maybe the Grammys do cater for a smug, greying establishment, otherwise Robert Plant and Alison Krauss wouldn’t have won so many awards for their fiddle-di-dee bluegrass album Raising Sand.

But they did, so congratulations to Robert Plant. We don’t know how Robert will celebrate his Grammy win but, from the look of him, we’d assume that it’ll involve a moustachioed circus ringmaster holding a whip and a chair.

Usually the Grammys have something for everyone – no, really, everyone gets an award, there are like a billion categories or something – but that sadly wasn’t the case this year.

Why? Because, while the Grammys had a fleet of now-traditional onstage collaborations – like Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl, Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers and, um, Keith Urban and Boyz II Men – the audience wasn’t able to enjoy the sight of a wobbly-legged young scamp dancing around like Michael Jackson trying to run away from the police after being shot with a tranquiliser dart, because Chris Brown might have hit Rihanna or something and had to cancel his performance.

But just because it was short a couple of mediocre R&B performances, the Grammys weren’t going to give up that easily – not when it had to reward a man who looks like leather lion and a woman whose facial skin is so tight that it might well ping off the back of her skull if she scratches her nose.

That’s right, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss were the biggest winners of last night’s Grammys, picking up awards for Album Of The Year, Record Of The Year, Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals, Best Country Collaboration With Vocals, and Best Contemporary Folk/Americana Album. The last of these is certainly a surprise – Robert Plant is the least American person on Earth thanks to his weird Adrian Chiles speaking voice – but, as AP reports, he isn’t complaining:

While accepting the Grammy for album of the year, the 37-year-old Krauss — perhaps wanting to remind the audience that Plant’s rock star hadn’t entirely matured — said there’s “never a dull moment” with the 60-year-old singer. “I’m bewildered,” said Plant. “In the old days we would have called this selling out, but I think it’s a good way to spend a Sunday.”

But while Robert Plant and Alison Krauss must be thrilled at the new shot of publicity that their Grammy wins will have granted them, Page’s bandmates in Led Zeppelin are probably less happy about it. They’ve all spent the last year trying to convince Robert Plant to take Led Zeppelin on a lucrative world tour, but his commitments to his Krauss collaboration have stopped that from happening.

And now this is probably going to harden Robert Plant’s mind against the reunion even further. To think, he’d prefer to spend his days travelling around with a pretty and (comparatively) younger woman rather than standing on a cold stage shouting songs about goblins next to a man who looks like Jamie Oliver’s grandmother night after night? Wonders will never crease.

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