In the world of stage mom villains, Kate Gosselin is like Mother Goethal, locking her kids away and just using them for her own benefit. In an effort to try and prove to the world that years of starring on reality television and having to look at their mom’s mullet all day did not permanently do damage to their psyche, Gosselin dragged twins Mady and Cary out for an interview.
Instead of coming off like a loving maternal figure, Kate just reminded everyone just how horrible and pushy she is. Between her ex husband Jon starring in my current favorite train wreck, Couples Therapy, and now Kate showing up again to get her hair extension money, I am feeling eerily back in 2009. I just hope this doesn’t mean harem pants are going to try and reappear too. Blech.
A few months ago, I rewatched the very first special the Gosselin bunch ever did oh so many years ago, right after the sextuplets were born. It reminded me that at one time, they did seem like a relatively normal family who did love each other. Kate had an atrocious haircut, Jon worked a real job, and Kate still seemed to posses a vagina and still somewhat respected her husband as a man. I saw the charm and remembered why they were given a show in the first place.
Not too long after they were given said show though, it all went downhill. The Dina Lohan inside Kate emerged once she got a taste of the sweet nectar of crack known as fame. 2 years after their show hit the air, Kate and Jon were filing for divorce and it became hot mess central where the Gosselins were concerned. Kate spent all the kids’ college funds on plastic surgery and a terrible weave, and Jon spent all his gym membership money on college girls and Jaegerbombs. It was like a car crash, painful to watch but at the same time you couldn’t turn away.
Thankfully, after a while it all died down and we basically stopped hearing them. Occasionally Jon appeared in last season’s Ed Hardy, complaining that Kate was using the children for cash, and Kate would reply that at least one of them was working on anything other than expanding their STD count. But all in all, the platform for these two assholes to speak on became much smaller.
Now though, it seems the well of cash the poor Gosselin kids paid into and will never see, or as I affectionately call it “Child Labor Social Security,” has dried up. So knowing that the whole world basically hates her and gives less than no shits on what she has to say, the best angle Kate could come up in order to get people to pay her dollar bills was to drag her kids back out into the spotlight. This time though, instead of using her infield softball team, she’s calling out the older girls, twins Mady and Cara.
Just last week, the twins (and Kate, DUH) appeared on People magazine, gracing the cover with their dead eyes and proclaimed to the world, “We are totes normal tweens!” Of course, it is a lot easier to come off how Dina Gosselin wants when you are doing an interview for one of the biggest kiss ass magazines out there. Instead of just letting that be enough, Kate pushed the envelope and forced the girls to also do a live interview with The Today Show, to reallllllly drive the whole “I didn’t fuck up my kids” point home.
Except, thanks to the wonderful world that is live television, Cara and Mady did the exact opposite. And it was glorious.
You only need to watch the first 2 minutes, that’s where the awkwardness really hits its peak. You can just sense the girls are trying to remember what it was that they were coached to say, and it even seems like they kind of say “fuck it” for a bit, just to let their mother look dumb. I love when Kate goes on about how totally fine the girls are, and then pushes Mady to speak up and agree, and girlfriend just gives a cold “No, you just said it.” Virtual high five, child. I know that comment will get you no dinner for a week, but it was amazing to watch.
Because they value their lives though, the twins did eventually speak up a bit in the interview, saying shit like they’d love to do another show. They aren’t totally prepared to be cut off from Kate, especially considering their back up plan is their 36 year old frat boy father. I get it, I do. Just giving the world a taste of the Mommie Dearest you’ve all come to fear and obey. You just know though that as soon as those girls hit 18, a tell all is coming our way. Hopefully full of snapshots of Kate without her reject Britney Spears’ extensions and Macy counter makeup job.