Are you a fan of tedious, formless, mostly improvised songs that go on for three hours longer than the point of normal human endurance?
You are? Well have we got some good news for you! Phish – the defunct jam-band predominantly famous for a) having some ice cream named after it and b) totally soundtracking that epic hacky sack marathon you and your buddies had in your parent’s backyard one afternoon back when you were 28 – are reuniting.
Phish have announced three special comeback dates in Virginia for next March, their first since disbanding in 2004. We’ll definitely be attending the Phish reunion shows – it’s been too long since we last caught beard nits off a hippy after stumbling into the middle of a drearily self-satisfied drum circle in the carpark of an old WWF arena.
Rolling Stone once called Phish ‘one of the most important bands of the Nineties’ – recognition that puts them right up there with Kula Shaker, Sugar Ray and the band that did the theme tune to Friends.
But it’s easy to see why Phish received a title like that – more than most bands, Phish flourished because of the community behind them. Their meandering, overlong, improvised jazz fusion jam workouts were simply a soundtrack to huge open-air festivals where friends could meet, play frisbee, get ripped to the tits on stolen cough medicine and twirl around like cocks in a spirit of universal brotherhood.
So it was a bittersweet day when Phish announced that they were splitting up in 2004. True, it meant that you’d never get to see a group of millionaires in their forties play 20 songs in a row that all seem to sound exactly like the one that directly preceded it in a disused airbase any more, but at least the spirit of Phish would live on in that delicious Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavour and the crappy rave scene from The Matrix Reloaded.
Until now. Because now, you see, Phish are back. According to The LA Times:
The Vermont-based jam band, will reunite for shows March 6-8 in Hampton, Va., and is expected to announce additional performances for 2009. Rumors of a reunion have been heating up since… three of the four Phish members played together in July at the Rothbury Festival in Michigan. All four showed up last month and played at the wedding of their road manager Brad Sands.
Phish played at a wedding? We’re not sure how we feel about that. On one hand it’d probably be quite fun to see all your elderly relatives get so overwhelmed by the band’s elaborate jazz-rock grooves that they end up buying a bunch of laughing gas balloons from a hippy in the corner. But on the other hand The Squirming Coil isn’t exactly Agadoo, is it?
But still, we’re genuinely pleased that Phish are getting back together – and more pleased that their first shows aren’t until March. Because that’ll give you plenty of time to ditch your job at the law firm and dedicate your life to getting your beard long enough to put elastic bands in again. It’ll be fun.
phishinForpharmys says
hysterical post, you wise ass. I love phish!!
manny says
idiot.
happy hippy says
I didn’t realize that my love for Phish undermined the fact that I have a Masters degree, work a full time job, and own my home. Just another judgemental douche bag. Have fun at your Michael Bolton concert.
Jay in Maine says
oh Stewie, you are so damn witty. I bet the friends you sit down with to watch Grey’s Anatomy think you are witty too.
dividedguy says
you probably spank yourself to Nickelback. you obviously have absolutely no real knowledge of music, and if you truly believe that all of Phish’s songs sound precisely the same, during the jams or not, then you definitely haven’t ever really listened to them. I really hope, for your own posterity’s sake, that you were just playing devil’s advocate. Otherwise your comments are completely inaccurate and worthless. On the other hand, I am a professional musician and I admit that sometimes they don’t sing in tune and it pisses me off. Besides that they are pretty much the kings of jam musicians today.
UenjoyMiceElf says
In other news, amateur columnist Stuart Heritage was stoned to death by a group of unidentified hippies! Apparently Heritage was stoned with stale GonjaBalls.
Brian says
Wow, hippies are a sensitive group. This post was absolutely hilarious and I’m a fan of Phish. Learn to laugh at yourself, jeez.
go_phuck_your_self_STU says
stay home on march 6-8, 2009. no need for you to have tickets to these shows.
Gregory Nazar says
Stuart, you obviously know very little about music, and your trite, sterotypical attempt at mocking this amazing group of musciians is an epic FAIL. Retard.
Penis Face says
I am a ticketless wook who will be at these shows slanging bunk molly to all the noobs. OMGZ WSP SUX
kscarr says
“Rolling Stone once called Phish ‘one of the most important bands of the Nineties’ – recognition that puts them right up there with Kula Shaker, Sugar Ray and the band that did the theme tune to Friends.”
i guess you never heard of nirvana, pearl jam, rhcp, beck, etc…
you should check them out. they’re all pretty good.
you’re worse than a post coventry noob fwiw.
Stillz says
would love to meet this fuckface in person. just another clueless, tasteless every day dumbass who has NO clue about music.
prolly listening to NE-Yo or kanye or whatever the hell these mainstream asshats listen to
KYS
Brian says
I entered the lottery for these tickets and if I win I can’t wait to make a few bucks off you phreakin’ hippy losers!
thejart says
you’ve angered the hippies! watch out, they’ll throw flowers at you!
i love phish, but wow.
design says
I put in a request for the Saturday night show, but living in PA makes it an 8 hour drive…
I just hope that they announce more dates, the website leads me to believe that they will as it says, “The band intends to announce additional touring in 2009 early next year.”
Walter says
He’s still a pederass.
Tony says
“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”
You’re a DOUCHEBAG.
Ballboy says
I read Hecklerspray each day just to read responses from nutjobs who read a satirical website then make angry replies, normally using low class yank slang such as duchebag, retard and various forms of ass – could there be a connection with a lack of a sense of humor and using American slang?… hmmm… burn a joss stick and chill, hippies!
old head says
“you’re worse than a post coventry noob fwiw.”
Wow. what a snobby, elitist thing to say. That’s one of the things that repelled me from phish shows. way too many insecure posers hopped up on their parents medicine cabinet. realize there was something real that came before you.
I liked the article…funny.
goodfriday says
Amazing – filthy hippies up in arms against the greatest injustice since bathing!
What, did the hack split open and spilled all it’s beans at the student union, leaving you wogs in a stuper? “Like, wow. Might as well surf.”
Phish, of course, always appealed to the crunchy cliche set.
Cut those dreadlocks off, pour the patchouli down the toilet, and purchase yourselves the Cute Lepers new record.
My gawd.
magnetite says
George Clinton.
That’s all I have to say. That’s all I need to.
Oliver says
My only purpose in responding to this post is to provide a few facts that will simply prove this writer’s lack of understanding of music and will illustrate his sheer ignorance.
1. Many of the “Long” Phish songs to which you refer (such as You Enjoy Myself and Divided Sky) were composed based on fugue structures that were used in classical music (i.e. zero improvisation and zero “jazz fusion”). Fluff’s Travels for example is a 12 minute song during which zero improvisation takes place. Where you have clearly been mistaken is that Phish typically improvises live throughout these compositions. So using the word “formless” is both ignorant and simply makes you look stupid.
2. You described Phish fans as “jobless wasters”: I am an employed banker in New York who has never had a hacky sack marathon…and I am a HUGE Phish fan!
Mike says
The rave scene in The Matrix had music from Rob Zombie, not Phish.
Travis says
I just sprayed my coffee all over my keyboard – Stu you’re HILARIOUS!! It’s amazing how much time and thought you put into this post – all becuase a little rock & roll band is getting back together. Hey hippies and everybody else that is getting all fired up about this dude’s opinion – CHILL!! It’s one guy’s opinion – WHO CARES! Just becuase he thinks Phish sucks and all of us phans are jobless dirt merchants doesn’t mean he has no clue about music. You’re just fueling his fire. He’s laughing at you right now because you’re all geared up – RELAX! I too am an employed banker, followed the boys since ’92 – and hate hacky sack. Can’t wait for the Hampton shows!
Jezmund D'famle Berzurkur says
Who’s got my heady ‘Sugar Ray’ reunion tour?
YEM says
Yeah, you gotta be able to laugh at yourself and others. This guy obviously has a buddy (though probably not many) who likes Phish and that’s where he gets his (limited and in a few cases, incorrect) information.
So I agree…chill guys! We know what Phish has done for the jam scene and what they mean in our personal lives. Spazzing just fuels this dudes fire. See ya’ll in 2009! Have a great show!
P.S- Stew, I happen to be a Doctor who showers at least once a day and isn’t big into granola!
P.P.S- (They didn’t play Squirming Coil at their Former Road Manager’s Wedding…mock as you like, but lets get some facts straight!)
Mike Preston says
I understand that the purpose of hecklers is to ignite emotional responses from the “heckled” for the purpose of personal entertainment. So don’t worry, I won’t be lured nor offended (for I have enjoyed the occasional groundless heckle as well), but I must defend the four musicians who have forever expanded my appreciation for art and life. As a music teacher (with a fairly fresh haircut), I feel the need to teach Stu just a little bit.
I have been a fan of Phish since 1993. I believe their largest contribution to the world of music (aside from their mostly unparalleled compositional FORM and technique) is their unconditional inclusion of countless artforms.
Of course everyone has a “right” to publish whatever they want, but with the world going the way it’s going, thoughtless stereotypes on the internet certainly do not improve things.
Jason says
Are you a pompous douchebag who writes sarcastic columns to make himself feel better about his own lousy taste in music? You are? Well have I got some good news for you! Limp Bizkit is planning a return, too!
magnetite says
I’ve never understood why douchebag is an insulting term. The bag section does all the hard work, and the other bit (the one that behaves like a dick) just pokes its head in and spouts.
Oh wait…that’s what we have here isn’t it?
[George Clinton. Weren’t you listening earlier?]
Jnorton says
I just think it’s funny when people get so mad when so many others enjoy something they don’t like. This author is probably just mad he has never gotten to hear the beauty of a vacuum solo
J Bollocks says
To the best of my knowledge I’ve never heard a track by Phish. But this thread is so alluring I can’t resist commenting…
I find it deeply ironic that several NYC bankers love Phish yet I as a home-bound leech-like drop-out have only just heard of them. Wow, it really is a big world when you can be bothered to crawl out of bed and through the front door!
J Bloggs says
Gon’ go get me some Phish food.
urignorant says
Your article reeks of ignorance.
Mike says
Phish is SO GOOD that random people feel the need to waste their own time and energy trying to bash them all over the internet. Dig it or don’t, and perhaps the author of this article needs to get a job, instead of spending his time on the net writing about bands he doesn’t like.
Benjophi says
Yo Stuey. I work at a law firm and I don’t plan on growing out my beard because it’s patchy at best. But I do plan on going to these concerts for the sheer joy it brings me and all the rest of the people in attendance. I was twenty when I first saw Phish and the music changed my life. I’m 33 with steady job, a wife and two kids, and I own a house. My responsibilities and lifestyle have changed, but not my love for their music. I don’t feel it’s necessary to defend Phish. If you get your jollies from writing this article then you must be a really fun guy to hang out with. But why you see it necessary to spend time and energy ripping on a band or a group of people you don’t like is beyond me. FUCK OFF AND STOP WASTING MY TIME.
Milhouse says
What show did you go to? I’ve never listened to a show that sounds the same the whole way through. You’re ignorance is invokes feelings of musical-midgetry and iconic shit-eating from your den of idiocracy. Take your AA in journalism and go get a real job at a reputable institution and then I might take the time to take your opinions with a smidge of validity. Until then friend, enjoy the fact that your President is black and that the administration probably has a bunch of phish heads in it. Go lick Dave Matthews taint.