Hang on a minute, that’s not good news at all, is it?
Who’d want to sleep with Robert Pattinson? You might as well do the nasty with a savagely whittled shop dummy with an unwashed birds nest pritt-sticked on top. One that you found under all the burst bin bags in the alley at the back of the local butchers/day care centre for children with unusually large and active bowels. Who’d want that? You’d never get the chance anyway, as we all know he hates Britain. You certainly couldn’t leave your thousands of cats just in the care of your homemade life-sized Twilight posters while you sneak off to America to hunt him down with a crossbow now, could you?
Face it, you might as well sneak into Madame Tussaud’s and have sex with the dummy in there. It’ll still smell of urine, but at least it’ll be your own. And as a bonus, he won’t immediately jump off your still-damp body and start having it off with the nearest security guard, or waxwork, or animal, or half-inch wide hole.
Turns out that the R-Patz is a right randy old slutbag and he’s ready to bang it in any old hole. Digital Spy throatily exhorts:
Robert Pattinson has no plans to settle down with Kristen Stewart, according to sources for Look magazine. The star added: “I mean, I guess settling down just means not sleeping with everybody. I don’t like the idea of having to settle, though.
Wait, they are going out? I thought they weren’t, unless they were, but then they were seen doing that thing, and then oh god who cares.
Anyway, the point is he doesn’t want to settle down because he wants knob his way around the world, following the tried and tested Lohan model. Going by this announcement, surely we can expect the next Twilight film to do away with the books entirely and become an extreme hardcore version of Around The World In 80 Days.
Three and a half hours of a bored-looking sparkly young man violating every coin-sized hole that he can find – Romanian shepherds, your mum, Venezuelan pan pipes, exhausts of a variety of cars, your dad, electrical substations, everything really. It’s all going to culminate in a 20-minute finale where he waps it out and runs through the Arc De Triomphe pretending it’s the world’s largest vagina.
Still be better than the crap in the books.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
He is a well known player.That little Stewart girl is belived to be his big cover up. Don’t they all are? Look at Russel, did it hurt him? Pattison is in the center of the world and grabs what he thinks is his. Nothing new in HW, nothing new. Watch out with your comments,(and your head) mobs of not so young women might want to know where you live.
You are disgusting!! Maybe you need to go back to school and learn how to write for starters!! You know nothing about Robert Pattinson. Too bad you have to hide behind such filthy writings. I’ve read a lot of interviews about him and he is a very true and honest person. You might want to look up the word “honesty” before you write such trash again. I feel sorry for you…