Go Bonkers, Khloe Kardashian Is Getting Married! Like, Now!
Those Kardashian sisters, they’re really something. There’s Kim, who is famous for having an absolutely gargantuan bum, and was once in a homemade porno film with the soul music sensation Ray J, in which they spend a period of time with their tongues wrestling outside of their mouths like slugs on crystal meth. Then there’s Kourtney, who took a simple everyday household name like Courtney, but took away the “C” and replaced it with a “K”.
Plus, of course, there’s Khloe, who did a similar “C”/”K” trade off, and who – we are delighted to report – is getting married! To some basketball player! Who we’ve never heard of! Because we don’t watch basketball!
But, for those of you who do, she’s getting hitched this Sunday to a magnificently tall athlete called Lamar Odom, who plays for the LA Lakers. He’s, like, nine feet tall or something.
As is the beginning of so many successful Hollywood marriages, the pair met about a month ago in a nightclub. He was living it up, she was tottering around in something classy and miniscule, and then, in a flash, they became one. Soul mates. Lovers. And within barely five weeks, husband and wife. It’s like it was written in the stars. There is no way in hell that this marriage doesn’t have the legs.
To cement their love, the pair have decided to make things official as soon as possible, so that they can squeeze a warm, sensual honeymoon in before Lamar has to go back to basketball practice. That way, they should have plenty of time to light candles, pop on some Kenny G, and smear great big handfuls of soft, oily butter into one another’s hungry thighs, before the LA Lakers have their first pre-season match on October 7. Hence, the invites have been rushed out, using hysterical squealing, jumpy-up-and-downy telephone calls as an improvised replacement for the usual sophisticated squares of card, and the ring is currently being resized to fit Khloe’s curious sausage fingers – presumably. The ceremony is taking place in a friend’s house.
Of his bride-to-be, the massive basketball player had this to say:
“Khloe is smart and beautiful and that is very hard to find.”
It certainly is Lamar. Perhaps even harder than you think.
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I only have one thing to say about the images this story conjures: bleeeuuurrrgh.
The word that this union conjures for me? PRENUP.
Those Kordashians are ALL crazy!!!! Who the hell are they anyway? They all (including the mother) seem to be whores who will do anything for attention. It’s scary that there are young people watching these very talentless skanks and think their behavior is “normal”. They make porn flicks, cuss like sailors, behave like whores but gee, they have their own tv show! What is going on in California??? Are there no more talented actresses, singers, dancers anymore? Neither of the three Kordashians are that attractive – they date black athletes..since their mother is such a media whore – their grandmother should step in and “fix them”. Oh – forgot – there would be no camera in their face and they would be financially broke. Disgusting and low class…
oh but they have…….bruce jenner…….the media whoreman to lead them….
Hey bruce………give up your plastic surgeon and reel in your girls.you’d be richer for it….although they still harp on their “dead daddy” OJ explain away father.