I’ve never watched an episode of Glee in my life. As of right now, I’m still not even sure what a “glee” is, but it sounds like the screech a fat anime fan makes when you’re about to step on one of their eggs. Luckily, I have the internet to help me figure out the meaning of Gleeeeeeee. More specifically, I have the pariah of honest and just criticism, the YouTube comment.
Compiling these various bits of data, I have surmised what all this Glee is about.
“Ooops!… Rach did it again!. (Someone had to say it)”
A decade old reference, followed by the sabotage of whatever joke they may have had going. I can already tell that Glee fans are also fans of self-ruin. They can’t help but create a joke that their mom is sick of hearing, only to punch it up with explaining that they couldn’t help but make the joke. “Must….not….suck” the Glee fan breathes, as their cursor hovers nervously above the comment reply box. But nature always wins in these cases.
“What if Finn saw this?????!!!???!!!!??”
In the world of excited punctuation, anything over three question marks and exclamation points means that, either A) you’re dealing with a sub-human brain or B) someone just blew their online rape whistle. I don’t like this “Finn” character. Why would he be so angry? What power does he hold in his fists and why does he want to take it out on the people in an “Ooops, I Did It Again” video? Whoever is with Finn needs to break up with Finn fast, otherwise they’re going to soon need a way to protect themselves against a knife assault.
“Witch season is this?”
If I needed any proof that Glee was the product of sorcery, this would be it. I’ll go along with your “misspelling”, YouTube commenter, if only because I don’t want my legs turned into frogs.
“She’s not that innocent anymore…”
Thanks for letting me know, again, how much I wouldn’t like Glee, Glee fans. You take the musical equivalent of a Monica Lewinsky joke and then add your stupid dramatic ellipsis at the end. I can understand that whoever this is referencing just did something slutty on camera, and that this might be a turning point in whatever the show is doing, but you don’t need to exercise your inability to grasp the standards of language by passively talking about it. You have Tumblr for that.
“Oops I fell i love with Brody!!!”
We’ve seen an “Oops” reference before, but this is the equivalent of the doctor coming out to tell you that your joke was a stillborn. Regardless, this Brody sounds like a nice boy for the commenter to fall in love with him so enthusiastically. Way better than that Finn guy, who probably has too much blood on his knuckles to even properly grip someone’s gyrating waist.
If Glee is anything like the TV shows I enjoy, Finn and Brody will fist fight for Rachel’s love in the last episode of this season. Brody won’t mean to kill Finn, but he’ll have to protect Rachel, and Finn will accidentally fall on those iron spikes in the abandoned housing development. Then, next season, the cover-up.
“OMG when he does that I’m melting.”
I don’t know who this commenter is talking about, but I’d like to meet them and learn their sexual secrets. When a woman says she’s melting, you’re about five seconds away from boning a swamp with arms. And I think that’s the most anyone can hope for on their first date. Keep up the amazing passion, Glee. I hypothesize that when Glee characters aren’t sleeping with each other’s liquid genitals, they’re dancing to songs that are doctor approved for body gelling.
“Well I hope Cory wasn’t there when they were filming this cause it’s so damn hot! And the way Brody smiles at 1:18 <3”
Cory too? Do he and Finn have some sort of abusive Legion of Doom thing going on? Who would Cory be jealous of and why? There are just so many unanswered questions. I once again think that everyone should shack up with this Brody guy. He seems like someone worth taking home to your parents. Not like “Human Monster” Finn or “Fists of Fury” Cory.
“I watched the whole video, whilst doing the weird screeching to represent excitement.”
What the hell? The weird screeching to represent excitement? Do you mean “squealing”? Because that’s also a word, YouTube commenter. From the way you phrase it, the next sentence would be “And then Brody winked at me and I felt it like one of those skin feelings through my skin! My warm reptilian skin! I must SHED.”
“Rachel is here very sexy <3 love you leaa. (:”
Are they two different people? This makes it seem like Rachel is a character and Lea is the actress’ name, but I can’t be sure. This commenter obviously thinks Rachel is sexy, but doesn’t want Lea to feel left out. Thus, Lea has been permanently Taylor Swift’d by the commenter. Rachel is going to get great sex for a lifetime, and all Lea can do is watch and know the truth. The commenter would be a better fit for Lea, if only he could look past her dorky attire and introverted personality. He even adds a smiley face at the end, as if to say “Sorry for missing our lunch date, Lea! I’ll totally be there next time!”
“That’s not Rachel,that’s Lea.”
Who is Rachel? Who is Lea? In this world of espionage and intrigue, no one can be sure. From this argumentative comment, I can guess that Glee is a sort of a spy show as well. Rachel poses as Lea and vice-versa. That way, they can infiltrate Finn and Cory’s mountain headquarters without being noticed. Finn will be all like “I never knew you had feelings for me, Lea” and Rachel will say “I’m not Lea.”
Cut to Finn’s stomach. Rachel quickly withdraws the knife out of it. Finn gurgles blood and falls. Rachel says “Hmph, typical Finn” or something dumb like that.
“I find it orgasmic!!!!”
There’s no way to climax with subtlety when you’re watching Glee. You either go multiple exclamation points Old Faithful or you’re a rock.
“Sexy as none! Sorry Britney but Lea has it all! I loved how the simple way she is dressed makes things sexier and the choreography is awesome. I absolutely want that dress. Oh and Dean…wow.. he is making things hotter haha”
When a show is so hot that it makes you invent entirely new, meaningless phrases like “Sexy as none!” you know that it really is sexy as none. Yeah, sorry Britney, but you’re totally none when matched up against secret agent Lea.
And Dean! Don’t get me started on whoever the fuck Dean is! He simply exists to make things hotter, apparently, which means that he has a 90% chance of being a pleasure robot and a 10% chance of just being Rachel in disguise.
And I can support both of those options.
“She even moves”
Up until the episode that this clip was taken from, the show was about a bunch of quadriplegics who imagined what it would be like to dance. Then, suddenly, they can all walk and act sexy. “She even moves” writes a commenter, unable to handle his surprise at a show that’s never afraid to push the boundaries of a plot twist. I’m starting to see what this Glee is all about: taking the restraints you’d normally place on a network show and grinding that leather until it snaps.
“Can I know this is the need glee?? glee 4??”
Your guess is as good as mine, dude. I had no idea that there were 3 prequels, or, in Glee terms, 3 foreplays.
“is it wrong that i got turn on by this, nah dont think so Rachel is sexy”
Glee helps people come to term with their erections. “It’s okay to get turned on by a network show,” the cast of Glee says, breathily. It’s the quickest emotional turn around that I’ve ever seen. Usually, when someone does something that they think is sexually wrong, they spend at least a day unable to even look their horse in the eyes. Glee speeds the process up and makes you comfortable in your own, weird skin in less than a complete sentence.
“And this is when Cassie fells deeply in love with her !!!!”
Cassie sounds like a nice girl too. I hope she gets with Brody.
Look, I know that Rachel and Lea are obviously the main focus here. But, someday, they’re going to have to choose between being government agents and pursuing relationships. And odds are, they’re gonna stay being some fucking spies. You can’t just quit the 007 lifestyle.
Brody needs someone he can settle down with, and this Cassie girl sounds perfect for him. After one of the possible demises of Finn goes down, he’ll probably rest his head on her shoulder and ask her if she’s ever done anything that couldn’t be forgiven. She’ll wonder what he’s talking about, but she’ll kiss his head regardless, because what Brody and Cassie have is true love.
“You wanna dress like a expensive prostitute?”
A Glee fan struggles for dominance. Somewhere, a small crow calls for its lost mother. Nothing is ever gained.
“When the hell do they supposedly rehearse this?!”
Rehearse what? This is a show about secret agents and sex robots! There’s no time for rehearsals when you have cyborgs to blow and volcano bases to explode.
I take back my earlier statement. I LOVE Glee.