We’re Giving Ashton Kutcher Way Too Much Money

Ashton Kutcher Dating Mila KunisDespite going through a dramatic, high-profile split and thoroughly embarrassing himself on Twitter, the past year has been good to Ashton Kutcher. Dating Mila Kunis is 100% worth all of that bullshit, but if that’s not enough?he’s now the highest paid actor on television.

Wait, Ashton Kutcher’s on television?

Yup, that’s right. He’s still starring in the crapfest that is Two and a Half Men, and he’s making more money than you or I probably ever will be doing it.

Kutcher replaced Charlie Sheen on the show, and now, according to Forbes, he’s replaced Sheen in terms of Highest Paid TV Actor as well. At $24 million, we’re giving Ashton Kutcher way too much money.

I honestly don’t know a soul who actually watches Two and a Half Men, but being the TV bum that I am, I’ve seen a couple episodes, and, here–I’ll break it down for you: sexual innuendo, penis pun, Ashton Kutcher naked, quip from cute, chubby kid.

That’s pretty much the entire show. If you’ll notice, aside from the nudity, Ashton Kutcher is pretty much dispensable. So just why is Kelso is getting paid $24 million?

House actor Hugh Laurie also made the list, coming in second, at $18 million. But then again, Ray Romano came in third. He also made $18 million on television this year, as he stars on that other show no one watches, Men of a Certain Age. I’ve never seen it, but I gather it’s about a group of dads who drink way too much coffee. That $18 million is probably also due to reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, even though everyone loved him about ten years ago.

Alec Baldwin, Mark Harmon and Tim Allen also made the list.

But let’s get back to how good life is for Ashton Kutcher.? Since his November 2011 divorce from Demi Moore, Ashton hasn’t been shy about flaunting his relationship with his That 70s Show costar Mila Kunis, and really, who can blame him?

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis


Well, apparently, his ex-wife does. A source told People magazine that Demi is “jealous and frustrated” over their hookup.

“Her friends aren’t convinced she’s all better,” the source says. Another adds: “What was humiliating was having her husband cheat on her in such a public way.”

Holy shit, I almost forgot about that. Remember when Ashton banged 22 year-old Sarah Leal last October, and they reportedly had sex on his sixth wedding anniversary with Demi? Yeah. I guess Demi’s whip-its meltdown kind of overshadowed the whole thing. Ah, memories.

At any rate, now Ashton is the TV king, albeit probably undeserved, and banging one of the hottest women in Hollywood, definitely undeserved.

Ashton and Mila even took a stroll through New York’s West Village last month, flaunting their relationship to the point of wearing matching T-shirts.

Yep. They’re that couple.