To Robert Pattinson, acting is an art – a perfect form of expression that he only does to nourish his soul.
That’s a lie. In fact there are many reasons why Robert Pattinson is an actor – it’s one of the only professions where putrid body odour or that haircut aren’t instantly-sackable offences, for instance. And also, as he recently revealed, Robert Pattinson only became an actor because he’d meet pretty girls.
But his plan has backfired horribly. Ever since he starred in Twilight, all the girls he’s met have been 14 years old, hysterical and medically incontinent. Tough break, Rob. Tough break.
When you look like Robert Pattinson, there’s an entire raft of professions that would welcome you with open arms. Robert Pattinson could be a catwalk model if he wanted, or a popstar. Or, at a push, a scarecrow. Or the inspiration for a set of dirty-looking Toby jugs. Or a tramp. He’d excel at any of them if he put his mind to it.
Instead, though, Robert Pattinson is an actor, and he seems to be doing OK at that. Whenever anyone is casting for the part of a vacant-looking young man with an irrational phobia of hairbrushes and an underarm stench that could melt concrete, Robert Pattinson is probably somewhere in the top three. But the question is, why did Robert Pattinson even become an actor in the first place?
Is it because actors get paid heaps of money for doing comparatively little work? No, don’t be so insultingly shallow. Robert Pattinson is an artiste, and his reasons for entering the noble profession of acting are at once moving and deeply profound. He did it because he wanted to kiss some pretty girls on the mouth or, if he really dedicated himself to the craft, get a little bit of over-the-blouse action going on. Showbiz Spy reports:
The British star — who shot to fame as vampire Edward Cullen in the smash hit Twilight movie franchise — says his dad told him being in showbiz would help him become a hit with the ladies. “My dad saw a bunch of pretty girls who were going to [London's Barnes Theatre Company]. He said: ‘Hey Rob, you’ve got to go to that.’ That’s the reason I still do it!”
Oh, sometimes we wish that our dad was as much of a pervert as Robert Pattinson’s dad seems to be from that slightly disturbing anecdote. But still, we’re happy with our lot. Robert Pattinson went into acting so that he could meet pretty girls, and we went into blogging because we wanted to meet every single grossly illiterate moron with access to the internet on the face of the planet. And so far we can’t say we’ve been disappointed.
Anyway, fair play to Robert Pattinson for having the guts to admit that he only went into acting to work with pretty girls. We hope the next few months he spends on the New Moon set with that mopey old boot who plays his girlfriend and the spooked-out infant from War Of The Worlds help to cement his wishes for good.
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel like this article may have been crafted with the sole intention of provoking me into commenting. Well, I’m not falling for it.
Hold on…
I only wish I could adequately express my feelings in an intelligent and coherent fashion. My witty retort would surely see me crowned as the King of the Internet and Robert would be so impressed by my comment-box wit that he’d come find me and we’d fall in love and get married.
Golly gee! If I weren’t so grossly illiterate and moronic, I’d say that this article takes several rumors + one quote from Robert and turns those into a completely fabricated bit of nonsense with undertones of jealousy and bitterness.
Good thing I’m really pretty so nobody notices that I’m also incontinent and hysterical.
Stuart, you made a good point about the undesirability of hysterical 14-year-olds. Imagine, for example, that you were an Iraqi suicide bomber. What are you expecting once you send your limbs their separate ways? Why, you’re expecting to wake up in paradise with 70 “youthful virgin females”.
But is that really what you want? 70 idiot teenagers, texting each other, experimenting with beer and vomiting, staring in mirrors, staying out late, writing illiterate messages of the kind we see so often on this blog, and no doubt raving about Robert Pattinson. Is that worth dying for?
well now if i met rob he would just be another guy wih money with fame with killer good looks- HES STILL ANOTHER GUY
an i dont think 17yr old girls are that bad cuz i happen to be one
an spend my time writting songs an doing gigs so have no time to stare in a mirror nor the inclination to etheir
Sounds like the author is jealous of Robert
i agree(: 100%
Mind you his dad is that quiet odd bloke from drop the dead donkey isn’t he? It’s always the quiet ones.
Wow someone is insecure. Do you really think that 14 yrs old girls actually goes to bars and loundges.
Y is there always someone that needs to be so negative or have issues dealing with some hot guy. Also who ever said that body odors are always repulsive.
Suck to be you lol
Stuart,
After spitting out my coffee, electrocuting myself, and buying yet another new moniter, it occurs to me I have been away from Hecklerspray to long!!!
But I am suprised, mopey? I would call her a bit more on the frigid side, and facing facts are we suprised RP is in it for the girls…no not really
But thank you, thank you, thank you, the melting concrete line is going to stay with me for a while.
The jury is out on if that’s a good or bad thing
Here’s the thing that men don’t understand. When Robert Pattinson has a pungent odor, it’s a turn-on. When guys like you have a pungent odor it’s vomit-worthy. When Robert doesn’t bathe, it’s sexy. When you don’t bathe, it’s disgusting.
The fountain of unconditional love applies only to Robert Pattinson. Embrace it, face it and deal with it.
FYI, your sentence, “Instead, though, Robert Pattinson is an actor, and he seems to be doing OK that.” doesn’t make any sense and is grammatically incorrect. It seems that grossly illiterate morons with access to the internet like to blog. I hope you don’t actually get paid for this drivel.
Re: Your penultimate paragraph – Hi there, nice to meecha! (Wink-wink, nudge-nudge)
This bitterness sounds like its coming from a man that has never heard any woman scream his name in any context. I feel sad for you.
One can only wish that you spew your drivel without any sort of monetary compensation. Clearly you suffer a ginormous (indeed, it is now a word in the dictionary–hard to believe an illiterate would know that, eh?) case of penis-envy. Wow. How pathetic. It’s amazing you haven’t jumped off of a bridge (and disappointing). Have a wonderful day!
People need 2 lay off Robert Pattinson okay,i’m pissed off cause whoever writes these articles needs a reality check,hey whoever the dumbass who wrote this article needs a life well go see Oparah i’m sure she’s willing 2 give u one since she gives new cars,dream homes,& makeovers 2 people.Rob is a great & wonderful actor & he isn’t ugly,Rob is totally sexy & hot.Here’s my warning”LEAVE ROBERT PATTINSON ALONE OKAY”!
They say the things we dislike in others are in fact a reflection of our own insecurities.
Why waste your own time criticising the successes of others and get on with something worthy of it and put some good back into the world.
God knows people with such vivid insecurities as you seem to hold suck enough out of it as it is.
ok for real now you guys need to act your age…rob is not goin to go with any of you little bitches..and you all need to back the fuck up cuz i am pre sure you are all 14 years old…i am 19 turin 20 on may 13 just like him so back off
LOL this article is slightly amusing, I must say.
It is the perfect exapmle of someone who is slightly mad, that they don’t have every female on this planet drool over them (or boys)possibly.
It is also a perfect example of someone looking for any attention at all. I think you may be pretending to not like the guy, and tell bad things about him, insult his family, cuz he said that he only reads the bad things about him. So you must be making sure that this guy knows your website for sure.
But c’mon. I like to read your articles, not because I will believe them, in any way, nor do I care to believe any of them, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Sure insult him, and make fun of his smelly armpits, is a little funny, Brad Pitt went through it as well, but leave his parents out of it. You just don’t call someones Dad a Perv.
If my son would be slightly shy, or may be not have a lot of luck with the ladies, though I would think he should be lucky with the ladies. I would suggest for him to prolly do the same thing. That doesn’t make me a perverted mom at all.
So c’mon. If you must say bad things about him or anyone, true or not, that is one thing, but leave his immediate Family alone. That would set anybody off.
ok all i really have to say is omg u must be so damn jealous . i agree about saying stuff about his family i mean reallhy grow up. all u have to do is look at robert and see just how damn hot he really is so u can keep saying all the crap u want but i would take him any day in a heartbeat
I cannot believe the website title “Gossip for Grown Ups”. This article has nothing to do with being a mature adult, although Gossip and Nasty Gossip at that, is true.
You should be ASHAMED of all the negative bashing you wrote in your article, concerning Mr. Pattinson, his Father, and his co-star. How PATHETIC you must be to stoop to such drivel.
Remember, what goes around, comes around. Think about that the next time you write such trash….Then when YOUR life takes a turn for the worse, maybe you will remember the justification and change…?? One can only hope so–for YOUR sake. Mr. Pattinson will not be negatively affected by this. (He has too much class and charisma) YOU, however will be.
Wow! I don’t imagine anyone would read anything you wrote so you did what you had to to lure the little girls to your site and you bashed Robert Pattinson. I guess that makes you feel like somebody special. Try volunteering for a Charity dude, it’s much more rewarding, trust me.
i think thats dumb because first off the person is a skum and second theres nothing wrong with dating 14 year old girls. i think its just a stupid number. Second I used to be 14 too and it was fun so who ever doesnt like dating 14 year gilrs are just *****
Rob’s dad obviously knew his son has talent and directed him in the right way as a normal caring parent would…..what the hell is so pervy about that?? and so what if there were pretty girls he could interact with…….it probably helped him a bit with his shyness i am so glad he hasn’t totally lost….he was just a boy….now he is a real man…..so let him be if he wants go out with women….he is entitled to it as much as the next single guy….!!!! hes young let him live a little…jeez is that too much to ask???
ooh sounds like someones jelous of our rob . What a nastey peice of work you souns like.
Robbert patterson is frigin awsome !! thats all i have to say.
Oh and i like how you managed to pick out the worst picture possible to slag him off to you SADO
Robert Pattinson is loved by women of ALL ages and you are sooo obviously jealous of him it’s ridiculous! Baseless lies do you no good. Just makes you look more and more like the moronic idiot that you are. And what have you accomplished…besides raise the ire of Rob’s fans. He is 500% the person you are…so get over it!
I take exception to your description and would like to add that there are several of us who are over 14-or 30, incontinent and still dazzling to look at. Incontinence at the sight of RPattz does not necessarily preclude good looks, literacy or coherent thought.
i think Robbert is a really acter hes really hot and ummmmmmm well i wish i was the same age as him and HE SHOULD PLAY MOSHIE MONSTER COZ I DO LOL HAHAHAHA if you are reading this Robbert i think you are soooooooo HOT even though im 12 i live in coodanup
oh yeah remember dont listen to people who say you are bad and an idiot just think off the other fans who love you like me for an example i cant stop thinking about you i keepted wathing twilight just to see your face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!