In Victorian times, a lady flashing just her ankles as she walked down the cobbled streets would send men and closet lesbians in to a wild frenzy. As time evolved, so did the styling of female clothing seen on a Friday or Saturday night. Off went the figure hiding gowns and flowing full length dresses. Out came hot pants, boob-tubes and not a lot else.
According to our calculations, you\’ll just need to visit Newcastle city centre in 2017 to see its inhabitants literally wearing takeaway menus to cover their bits and bobs.
So what's the problem? Those observing people who choose to reveal a lot of flesh instantly label them as whores and slags, which of course, isn’t always the case. However, the Girls Aloud PR team will be trying to rebut such slurs as an early shot of the band has been picked up by none other than a Russian escort website.
Frankly, we're appalled by the offending image (which you can see here). None of the members of Girls Aloud look remotely Russian. Yes, they do give off the impression that for a packet of chips and a blue WKD they?d perform a sex act on you behind a bin, but that's beside the point.
Thanks to years of moulding, the original rough five piece have been transformed in to role models for scores of young women around the UK. Especially Nicole Roberts who is literally the most famous ginger person we can think off. Apart from that one from Harry Potter.
The Babylon Moscow Escort Agency must have split several pairs of pants as their perverted erections almost smashed through the computer screen. If wet-dreams could be created for agency?s looking to capture lonely desperate men with money to burn, then this picture must have been gold for them. Sarah Harding in particular seems to have baps that never seem to end where Nadine Coyle appears to have been dressed by a stylist who was either on work experience or just stopped caring.
No doubt that five successful women won't want to be the face of a Moscow escort agency. Especially when all five members have flourishing careers still ahead of them, however, part of us believe it would be a better move than selling your soul and advertising woeful supermarket junkfood like Kerry Katona. Obviously, an anonymous source was at hand to tell The Daily Mirror:
?It’s an embarrassingly old picture of the girls, so the company figured they might get away with using it. But they failed to warn the band’s record label they were using it and, theoretically, could get sued.?
Suffice to say, if a career as an escort ever did happen then we're sure they?d all be Love Machines. Oh Christ, we've become everything we didn’t ever want to be. Cheesy pun writers [speak for yourself! – Ed.].
It's not like Cheryl Cole has the XXX-Factor at all. Just ask her ex-husband why he (allegedly) sent pictures of his knob to other women.
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