Geri Halliwell Temporarily Locked Away For a Bit

Wishes at hecklerspray HQ generally vary from person to person. Some just want others to stop nicking their pens. Others just want to remember what the daylight looks like.

And of course, some people’s wishes that involve a bottle of chilli sauce, an encyclopedia and a mask are ones we don’t want to know about. But we can all agree that banishing rubbish pop stars is high on the list, and for a few hours at least recently, our dream temporarily came true as former Spice Girl and all round annoying person Geri Halliwell got locked away for a few hours.

While many agree that prison would be the best place for her, sadly Geri wasn’t locked away with the other lags of this world. Instead, she had her own temporary jail cell in the closest thing to a damp squalid hellhole – the Lakeside shopping centre in Essex. The sight of orange-skinned chavs is punishment enough for any man, woman or child.

Using her fame to the max and preventing a decent author from getting a book deal, Ginger Pubes Spice Geri Halliwell has decided to pen a series of books to bleed young children’s minds dry. Called Ugenia Lavender, it has something to do with having a strong female character in a book world apparently dominated by blokes. Maybe Geri should have read one of the Famous Five novels, the chick in that wanted to become a bloke! If that doesn’t have edge attached to it, then we don’t know what has.

Anyway, to promote these books, Geri has been doing some signings. And on her way to one such signing in W H Smiths at the Lakeside shopping centre, she and four other people ended up stuck in a lift.

We don’t feel sorry for Halliwell in the slightest; it’s the poor members of the public that have suffered. For around an hour they will have had to suffer self-indulgent waffles of spiel from some washed-up singer telling them about her career. We bet they wished they had a genie’s lamp to rub and get themselves out of that one.

The bloke who sadly released Geri Halliwell said:

Geri thanked us all for our help and was a really nice lady. There were loads of fans waiting for her so we were glad that we were able to get her out quickly so she could go and meet them.”

By ‘fans’ does he mean 30-year-old women who want to remain young and who are still clinging onto the idea of girl power? Of course he does. It’s the children we feel most sorry for.

Read more:

Ginger Spice alert for firefighters who free Geri Halliwell after she’s left stuck in a lift – Daily Mail


  1. donkey king says

    Dont bash Lakeside you snobs. Show me a better shopping centre in England.

  2. Stabby McGee says

    The Five Ways Shopping Centre in Birmingham. It’s got more drug dealers than shops and I’m pretty sure they’ve already knocked it down (not like you could tell).

    …is better than Thurrock Lakeside.

  3. phil says

    There are writers and there are writers but jealious bastards like you that only write negative trash are not. Have you ever written a book? I doubt it! If it was up to me you would be unemployed.

    There are too many “writers” like you.

    Matthew Laidlow – what sort of name is that?

    I think it probably means that you always write slanderish rubbish and “laid low” (under a rock) till you thought it was safe to come out. I can just imagine what sort of parents you had.

  4. says

    My name? It’s one combining a few vowels and consonants. At least I have a surname “Phil”. Are you one of those magical Brazilian types with just a first name? I’ll leave you guessing my middle name.

    I have actually been published in a book and a few magazines, so someone has faith in me I guess. I hope this clears up a few issues that you’ve raised. I’m also happy to say that my parents are very much happy and alive; you paint a different picture with your choice of words.

    Tsk tsk Phil, get your grammar write!

  5. Mithaearon says

    donkey king the Pentagon in my home town of Chatham is better than Lakeside and its a dive.

    Seriously have you ever been outside of Essex? Try the Metro centre in Newcastle, I am tempted to say Bluewater but I can’t being myself to.

    Lakeside is a pit.