Geri Halliwell! Set For Death Defying Feats Of Comebackery!

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Everyone’s sixth favourite Spice Girl, Jerry Halliwell is set for an AMAZING solo comeback. The singer, famous for her patriotically flag-based dresses and impressively jarring personality has SENSATIONALLY revealed that she’s started plans to record her FOURTH album.

Red-Head Spice, as she was known in her ‘Spice’ Girls days, plans to release the follow-up to her last compact disc Passion (which rocketed straight into the UK’s top 41 in 2005) on her own label, Labia Records.

Geri’s also rumoured to have signed up X Factor types Bellamy to the label for their debut album.

EXCITEMENT!

The former Spice Girl shouted at anyone who’d listen and some frightened onlookers:

“I’m really excited and I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and things feel right. I was always going to continue with music in some way.”

Gerry Hallywell, who used to be 90′s pop band The Spice Girls went on to say:

“I’ve been in the studio and it’s going to have a bit of a dance feel to it. I love to dance and hear this type of upbeat music in clubs – it’s all going really well.”

“I was proud of all my solo music and this is just the next chapter. It’s time to get back into the charts again.”

She said before laughing and then crying hysterically, rummaging around in her Spice Girls-branded handbags for a tissue, failing to find one and eventually wiping her teary, mascara-streaked face with what looked like a broken iPhone.

WORRYING

Geri Spice has certainly been keeping herself busy since leaving THE SPICE GIRLS, whenever that was. The former Spice Girls singer appeared as a guest judge on The X Factor briefly, features semi-regularly in a bikini in The Daily Mail and watches the Sex and the City movies alone, over and over again, cackling to herself, drinking PROSECCO and setting up facebook events that no one ever attends.

Geri ‘Gingery Spice’ Halliwell is learning from her peers and plans to mirror the massive success that GIRLS ALLOWED’s Nadine Coil has had with her Exclusive Tesco-released album, ‘I Loved You But You Gave Me A Water Infection’ and plans to follow suit.

INABILITY TO CARRY OUT THE MOST BASIC OF TASKS

“I was going to mirror the massive success that Girls Allowed’s Nadine Coil has had with her Exclusive Tesco-released album, ‘I Loved You But You Gave Me A Water Infection’ but I lost the number for them and the internet on my iPhone doesn’t work properly, so I couldn’t Google it. It’s broken, I’ll have to send it back to O2. I think my Mum’s got a Thomson Directory, but she’s in Majorca at the moment, so I can’t ask her to find the number.”

According to our sources, The Wizard of Watford as she’s known to her fan, is close to signing up with German budget supermarket ALDI and their newly-launched music branch, Scheiß Musik.

Jenny gave us an EXCLUSIVE preview of some of the demo tracks for the album and we must say, they certainly are something! A woman’s voice over music, mostly.

Track 1: ‘Boogie Woogie Doo-Da’ – A thumping house track that’s sure to get you jumping straight onto the dancefloor if it makes it onto the album!

Track 2: ‘Bright Eyes’ – A cover of Paul Simon’s rabbit-death classic, with a fresh ragga/dancehall twist.

Track 3: ‘I Need You (But I Can’t Text You Until O2 Send My iPhone Back)’ – Four minutes of confused mumbling about mobile phone warranties. With a Latin flavour.

Track 4: The Daft-fur Conflict – Hard-hitting and cutting condemnation of the Sudanese troubles, featuring a sample of Let Loose’s ‘Crazy For You’.

Track 5: Boogie Woogie Doo-Daa – To be honest, this was probably an error made when burning the disc. It probably shouldn’t have been on there twice.

Well Jeri, it sounds good to us. Best of luck from everyone here at hecklerspray and remember – ‘Z-ziggy a ziggier. Ah!’

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Comments

  1. Tom J says

    This article was pure genius from beginning to end, up to and including the retarded first comment. Great stuff.

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