George Clooney hates it when the paparazzi follow him around, and so do we – if we wanted to see pictures of grizzled old men in all our magazines, we'd subscribe to Gnarled Homeless Bloke Weekly and nothing else.
But however much we dislike seeing pictures of George Clooney in magazines, George Clooney hates it even more. That's why George Clooney has hatched a cunning plan to destroy the paparazzi. Well, we say 'cunning' but it sounds more like a flimsy excuse for George Clooney to lure Leonardo DiCaprio into bed than anything else to us.
For someone who hates seeing pictures of himself so much, George Clooney sure does put it about – anyone who's ever been to any of Asia or Europe won't be able to forget seeing George Clooney's gigantic irony-free face advertising all sorts of booze, Lost In Translation-style, as Russell Crowe once helpfully pointed out.
But that's where you're wrong, because George Clooney doesn't hate pictures of him when they're gigantic and used to sell products for cash – George Clooney just hates it when the paparazzi takes his pictures and they're published in celebrity magazines. We're not entirely sure why the paparazzi would even want to take pictures of George Clooney anyway, since telling shit political jokes and starring in potentially the smuggest film ever isn't exactly the stuff that sells gossip magazines. In fact, just about the most gossipy thing George Clooney has ever has been to deny that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were getting married at his house. Since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't getting married at our house either, that makes us officially as gossip-worthy as George Clooney. And where are all the paparazzi trailing our every move, huh? HUH?
Luckily, George Clooney has a plan that will destroy the paparazzi forever – he's going to try and sleep with as many famous people as possible, including Leonardo DiCaprio, as he told Vanity Fair:
"Here is my theory on debunking photographs in magazines, you know, the paparazzi photographs. I want to spend every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress. You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio… people would still buy the magazines, they'd still buy the pictures, but they would always go, 'I don't know if these guys were putting us on or not.'"
Ah, clever move George Clooney. Everyone's a winner in this plan – George Clooney gets to try and have some first class Hollywood rumpy-pumpy every night for quarter of a year while the public would have to come to terms with the staggering reality that sometimes not everything in gossip magazines is true. Or at least it would have been a cunning plan, had George Clooney not felt the need to compulsively show everyone how clever he is by blabbing it around to everyone who'll listen. The tit.
Read more:
George Clooney: I'll Date Everybody – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]