If there's one thing that our grandparents taught us it's that when little tiny bald men appear drunk on daytime TV and start describing the graphic details of their sex life in between burping up sick, it's a thing to be cherished forever.
And that isn't just what we think – it's what the whole world thinks. So when Danny DeVito started lurching about on The View last week still twatted on booze from the night before, the world made sure to grab that moment and hold it close to its heart, knowing that it might be decades before a weeny little fat bloke does monkey impressions during a rambling anecdote about The White House to the obvious disdain of Barbara Walters again. Up until now, Danny DeVito's drinking buddy George Clooney had been keeping schtum about what happened the night before Danny's appearance on The View, but now George Clooney has given his side of the story and he says he's willing to "take the heat" for Danny DeVito's twatted gooning around. Having said that, we'd take the heat for Danny DeVito rather than talk about the rubbish-looking black and white film we'd just made if we were George Clooney too.
George Clooney is many things. If he grows a beard and gets fat he's given an Oscar. If he shaves off his beard and loses weight he's called the sexiest man alive. Even if George Clooney doesn't do anything at all, people still line up to call him a manly man's man and give him other meaningless awards. And, more than that, George Clooney is a gentleman.
We know that George Clooney is a gentleman by the way he acts like a gentleman in all of those adverts for booze he keeps insisting on starring in all the time. We also know that George Clooney is a gentleman because he's been so quick to take the blame for Danny DeVito's hopelessly dishevelled drunken appearance on The View last week. You know what Danny DeVito did as well as anyone else, but it's fun to write about so we're going to tell you again. Over the course of his six-minute interview on The View, Danny DeVito managed to tell a story about having sex with his wife in The White House, call George Bush "numbnuts" and "The guy who eb eb eb eb eb eb eb eb eb eb eb eb wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh ung ung ung ung ung," and throw up in his mouth during his scattershot summary of Deck The Halls.
Luckily for Danny DeVito, he seems to have got away with being so hopelessly drunk this time. The hosts of The View called Danny DeVito a "fun drunk," – almost as if they wish more famous people would turn up wasted for their show – and now DeVito's drinking partner on the night in question George Clooney has also chosen to defend his friend. While making himself look suave and dapper at the same time, naturally. This is what USA Today quotes George Clooney as saying on the matter:
"Hey, Danny is a grown man," says Clooney, who denies he led his pals astray after they mixed wine and vodka with the lethal lemon liqueur. "I know not to drink much of it, because it is really strong. I had a couple of shots and was just staying away from it. "Danny kept going after I was done. He clearly got more hammered than I did… I was in bed at 11:30 at night, and Danny continued on afterward, meeting up with a couple of other friends. I came home from doing Regis and Kelly and turned on The View to see Danny say something. The minute he walked out, I thought, 'Boy, this is going to be fun.' I don't think anyone took great offense at it. He is one of the funny drunks in the world as opposed to the angry, mean ones. It actually, truly made me laugh until I cried when I watched him. So I'll take the heat."
With all this universal praise that drunk Danny DeVito is getting compared to the slating that Deck The Halls has been receiving, does anyone else think that he should rush-release a movie that consists of him as drunk as ever hilariously reacting to a number of visual stimuli, like a boxing glove in a jack-in-a-box and one of those aprons with inflatable boobs? No? Just us, then.
Read more:
Actor takes long view on drinking buddy Danny DeVito's antics – USA Today