First a qualifier. Domestic abuse is never funny. It wasn’t funny when Chris Brown or Ike Turner or Charlie Sheen did it.

But when Gary Coleman does it? No. No, it still isn’t funny. He might be a tiny little Ewok of a man who peaked at the age of 12, but that doesn’t matter. Domestic abuse isn’t funny, even if it’s funny little Gary Coleman doing the abusing with his stubby legs and baby-sized fists.

So the news that Gary Coleman has been arrested for domestic abuse and is being held on bail in Utah definitely isn’t funny. Unless you imagine that he’s being held in a cat carrier. Then, yes, we suppose it is a little bit funny. You monsters.

Now, before we get into the details of this Gary Coleman domestic abuse story, we should point out that we don’t know the exact details of the alleged altercation, so rumours that Gary Coleman flew into a rage and attempted to choke his wife’s knees unconscious have to remain unconfirmed at this point.

However, thanks to the New York Daily News, we’re not completely in the dark. Here’s what it has to say about Coleman’s arrest:

Gary Coleman was arrested Sunday for domestic violence, authorities said. The former child star was arrested in Santaquin, Utah on a domestic assault warrant and booked into the Utah County jail about 1:30 p.m., according to the Utah County Sheriff’s Office. He was wanted for one count of domestic assault – a misdemeanor – though it’s unclear when the incident occurred.

It’s sad news – even if the rumours that Gary Coleman was arrested for giving his wife a really nasty Chinese burn on her calf have to remain unconfirmed – but it’s not unexpected. After all, you can clearly divide Gary Coleman’s life into two parts – the part where he was paid vast sums of money for saying “Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” in a funny voice, and the part where he’s lashed out at everything in his path because the world only knows him as the “Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout Willis?” boy.

Why, in the last few years alone, Gary Coleman has appeared on the TV show Divorce Court, been arrested for beating up the inside of his own car and got charged for running over a man with a truck because the man didn’t want to pay $20 for a photo of him. So the news that Gary Coleman has now been arrested for domestic abuse – even if rumours that he tried to gouge out his wife’s ankles with his thumbs have to remain unconfirmed – doesn’t really come as a surprise.

So let’s hope that this is the final straw that pushes Gary Coleman into getting help for his anger issues. That way he’ll be able to regain a sense of inner calm in his life, and never again be arrested for smacking his wife on the shinbone with his miniature Hello Kitty lunchbox or whatever it was that he did.

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