Gareth Gates To Get Married To A Mole

Remember Gareth Gates? Of course you do, he was the prickle-headed stutterer who couldn't quite win Pop Idol six years ago and was punished for his failure by being forced to have it off with Jordan.

But those frightful Jordan-humping days are over, because it's been announced that Gareth Gates is getting married. Apparently Gareth Gates proposed to his girlfriend Suzanne Mole on New Year's Eve and she said yes. Reaction to the Gareth Gates/ Suzanne Mole wedding has been split equally between Gareth's two remaining fans, with one of them expressing their best wishes to the couple and the other one stabbing their large Gareth Gates thigh-tattoo over and over with a maths compass screaming "It should have been me! Why can't it be me!" But we're sure Gareth's mum will come round to the fact after her thigh stops bleeding.

Since he came second on Pop Idol in 2002, Gareth Gates has seen both sides of fame in excruciating close up. First came the success - there are apparently three million of his dusty singles clogging up the bottom of various CD racks in houses across the country, which is officially enough to get Jordan to sleep with you - and then came the failure.

Despite being on such high-profile nuggets of well-crafted television gold like Celebrity Driving School, Gareth Gates' various comeback attempts all tanked. His last album Pictures Of The Other Side crawled to number 23 and then vanished again and, save for a rumoured appearance on Dancing On Ice, it looks like we'll never hear from Gareth Gates again.

Not that he cares, of course - because Gareth Gates is getting married to Suzanne Mole, a dancer who's nine years older than him. According to The Daily Mail, this is how Gareth Gates reported the news:

"After a great Christmas, I proposed to Suzanne on New Year's Eve and she said yes. We are both extremely happy and look forward to planning our wedding and life together."

But don't think that this is a flash-in-the-pan kneejerk shotgun marriage, because it isn't - Gareth has known Suzanne Mole ever since a Record Of The Year ceremony six years ago when Suzanne was 41 and Gareth just 12. And this isn't the first we've heard about a potential Gates/Mole wedding either - four years ago it was also apparently on the cards, but nothing came of it.

Back then Gareth's speech therapist was reported to be his best man - an obvious thank-you to the man who stopped Gareth from mutating the simple phrase "Will you marry me?" into six-hour marathon of frustrating false starts and borderline heartbreaking sighs. But Gareth has since cured his stuttering, so clearly the therapist got the elbow long ago.

There's been no formal date set for the Gates/ Mole wedding, but don't worry if you think you'll miss it - no doubt Gareth Gates will want to sell his wedding photos to whichever magazine bids the most money. So all you need to do is keep your eyes open for the commemorative issue of the North Eastern Caravanning Bugle and you'll be just fine.

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Singer Gareth Gates has popped the question to his long-term girlfriend … and she said yes - Daily Mail