Hecklerspray is busy sharpening knives today, after it was revealed that stuttering Pop Idol loser Gareth Gates is planning a comeback.

General consensus concluded that he would never make another note of music ever again, after his appallingly received double album Go Your Own Way in 2003.

What such a youngster is doing making a double album, we don’t know, although the song titles were eeriely prophetic. Foolish, Say It Isn’t So, Too Soon To Say Goodbye, Enough Of Me. Clearly, he knew he was for the dustbin.

We’re not ranting against all manafactured talent show pop music, by the way. Hecklerspray approves of most of Will Young’s output.

And American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson’s new single Since U Been Gone is genuinely one of the best tunes we’ve heard all year. (Though we admit that through gritted teeth.)

The thing that arouses the most suspicion about Gareth is the news that he now has a band with a ‘Busted/McFly’ flavour.

Gareth Gates, you’ll remember, was first seen on TV singing songs from Beauty And The Beast. He then became famous by knocking out dreadful sub-Westlife ballad after dreadful sub-Westlife ballad. Because that’s when people liked Westlife.

Go Your Own Way was more mature. He sounded like a rubbish Justin Timberlake. Because that’s when people liked Justin Timberlake.

And now he’s starting a band that’s like McFly. You can see the pattern, right?

What we object to – far more than him being a little namby-pamby Robson and Jerome tribute act, far more than apparently losing his virginity to Jordan – is this ceaseless bandwagon chasing.

Gareth chases the latest trends like a pensioner with a gammy leg
chases teenagers from his front lawn. He’ll make a lot of noise, but
he’ll never quite get there.

In other news, Gareth went to his newsagents yesterday to buy a Mars
Bar, and came out twenty minutes later with three hundred bags of
M&Ms.