Here at hecklerspray, we like things concise. Short and sweet. Nothing superfluous. Bulletproof.

This rule applies pretty much to all media. It’s why Signed, Sealed, Delivered by Stevie Wonder (CDs) will always be preferable to a bloated sack of mumbles like The Hurricane by Bob Dylan (CDs). It’s why Wedding Crashers should have finished 15 minutes earlier than it did, and it’s why we’re frankly terrified that Lost might last for more than two seasons.

The best way to understand that bigger doesn’t always mean better is to look at old computer sports games. Without huge budgets or unlimited graphical possibilities, the makers had to distill the essence of the sport into a tiny indestructible diamond. And with this week’s Game That Time Forgot, Activision Boxing for the Atari 2600, that’s exactly what they achieved.

When you play a modern-day computer game like EA Fight Night (Games), all of
your senses are bombarded. You control each arm with an individual
analogue stick. You duck. You weave. You block. You dislocate your
fingers trying to pull off special combos. The camera swirls and pans
and zooms as you attempt to seize openings in your opponent’s defence.

It’s an amazing spectacle, but it takes practise and dedication to
get the most from it. And who’s got time for stupid things like
dedication these days?

You know where you are with Boxing. Even the name says that there’s
no fluff. Not Ready To Rumble or Knockout Champs. Boxing. It does what
it says. No nonsense.

The limited graphic capability of the Atari 2600 meant that it
couldn’t afford to be flashy – all the matches were viewed from the top
down, and all you could see were the fighters in the ring pounding each
other. We say ‘fighters’, but even that word suggests unnecessary
components that could be cut out. Instead, you were represented by a
kind of upturned letter ‘M’, with a boxing glove at each end and a face
in the middle.

The game was all about the attack. Boxing understood the rules. You
didn’t turn and run; you couldn’t – the game wouldn’t let you. "Foolish
human," it probably thought as you tried to escape a beating by
attempting to spin around and leg it. Blocking was similarly frowned
upon – the boxers had a constant open stance, like they were taunting
each other, goading their opponent to thump them.

This was pugilism at it’s rawest. Not for Boxing the PS2-style fight
of bob, twist, jab, alternating between the upper and lower body.
Instead of rib, cheek, solar plexus combos, Activision Boxing preferred
the more straightforward Nose!Nose! Nose!Nose!Nose! Nose! style of
combat. And once you’ve scored 100 hits, your opponent gets knocked
out. No more, no less.

Like all simple sports games, Boxing came alive when two gamers went
head to head. It stopped being a game of two M’s boinking each other on
the nose, and became a cerebral psyching out of your opponent, all
about positioning. A millimetre out of line and you’d be faced with a
relentless flurry of leather to your face.

Although it was one of the first boxing games, there’s a good
argument that Boxing has never been bettered. It’s the sport distilled
and folded and filtered into a perfect representation with all the
excess trimmed off. If only you could bite ears off…

See what you’re missing! eBay has an Atari 2600 with 23 games including Boxing for £4.99

[story by Stuart Heritage]