G-Force sounded great, didn’t it? For a start, it’s called G-Force, so that promises all sorts of explosions and excitement.

And it stars Will Arnett, Tracy Morgan, Bill Nighy, Zach Galifianakis, Nicolas Cage, Loudon Wainwright III, Penelope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Sam Rockwell too, so we assumed that it had to be excellent.

But no, G-Force is a film about some guinea pigs. And it looks like the worst film ever made. But, hey, it’s number one at the weekend box office this week, so what do we know? Other than that all people are idiots, obviously.

If you ask us, there aren’t enough films about animals doing hilariously human things. So thank heavens for US weekend box office number one G-Force – a film about some guinea pig spies – for adding to the hopelessly small canon of work that only really includes Kung Fu Panda, Surf’s Up, Ratatouille, Flushed Away, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Shark Tale, Madgascar, Antz, Over The Hedge, Ice Age, Ice Age 2, Ice Age 3 and about 400,000 other identical films. So great job, G-Force! We salute you!

Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - G-Force (Easily the most exciting film ever made about guinea pigs. Because it’s the only movie ever made about guinea pigs. Because guinea pigs are rubbish. Still, Nicolas Cage, eh? We’re in) $32,152,000

2 - Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince (So it turns out that this movie got its name because of a message written inside one of Harry Potter’s science textbooks. Which means that if Harry Potter went to our school, the movie would have been called Harry Potter And The Julie’s Got A Hairy Minge) $30,000,000

3 - The Ugly Truth (The film where Katherine Heigl has a When Harry Met Sally-style tableside orgasm. Except it’s a genuine orgasm instead of a simulated one. And it’s given to her by a fat child. It’s funny, because leaving cinemas feeling so uncomfortably grubby that you’ll probably go four or five nights without sleeping is funny. Apparently) $27,000,000

4 - Orphan (A film about a creepy, evil child who seems much older than she actually is. Essentially Dotty Off EastEnders: The Motion Picture) $12,770,000

5 - Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (Apparently there’s going to be an Ice Age 4 coming soon. SPOILER ALERT: He doesn’t get the bloody acorn) $8,200,000

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