Cupid has loaded his quiver and he's only got late nineties rap-rockers in mind. In support of our theory, let us put forth several pieces of evidence. Exhibit A – Kid Rock has recently announced he'll be tying the knot to some blonde PETA freak. Exhibit B – all those guys from Crazy Town probably still scope chicks too. Online.

But that little winged love-archer didn't stop there, not even close! Because the fat & bald Fred Durst just tricked some girl into thinking he's both thin and hairy. Well, that's mostly assumption on our part, but a logical assumption – because some wide-eyed doe just accepted Durst's proposal of marriage.

His bride is a 21-year-old who never said "He named an album Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water.  He's not going anywhere near the birth certificates."

Fred Durst, helpless victim of a past sex tape theft that definitely wasn't a poorly planned publicity stunt, is on the mend. Things just keep looking up for king of the Bizkits, and just when you think he's reached a crescendo that no mortal man can possibly surpass, he slides backwards a little bit, but then climbs back to the top like it was real easy or something. We mean this guy has got projects galore. He's filming movies, he's…. uh… filming stuff for the cinema, and he's recording films on tape. Yes, the world truly is his oyster.

And now Fred Durst wants to share that oyster with a girl who's been able to legally buy beer in America for at least a couple months. Durst announced on his MySpace page that he's tying the knot to Krista, a girl who possibly thinks his music is wicked awesome. As the D-man put it:

“I have met a wonderful girl named Krista from Rhode Island and have asked her to marry me. She said yes and I am now proud to say that we are engaged to be married. I hate the false rumors that have been floating around this silly ass gossiping community of tabloid madness that are nowhere near being true, so I wanted to set the record straight on this particular one before it became something it is not because this is very special to me. I am loving life.”

Those are wonderful words from a man who is bald and fat. Most of the rumours he is referring to were started here on the h-spray. Specifically, we think they included the one where Fred Durst let a family of Chinese immigrants go before him in a buffet line, the one where Fred Durst wanted to adopt Captain Cupcake as an onstage persona, and the one where Fred Durst was conceived by the force itself after his mother made love to a smooth talking Yoda.

All silliness aside, hecklerspray extends a heart felt congratulations to the lucky pair. We completely understands the passion and haste the two lovers have been enveloped in, as it's not totally unfamiliar. It wasn't so long ago we heard Fred Durst felt the same way about a tuna-melt.

Read more:

Durst To Marry Mystery Girl – Contactmusic

[story by Shawn Lindseth]