Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter Frank Ocean and serial dickhead Chris Brown got into a fist fight last night outside of an L.A. recording studio. Stories explaining the?fight and?the events leading up to it?vary, of course ? some portraying Chris as the aggressor and Frank the victim, and others asserting the opposite … but basically what happened is this:
It was Sunday evening in Los Angeles and the weather was lovely. Chris and Frank both happened to be at Westlake Studios ? separately ? taking care of business. When they bumped into each other, an exit was blocked or parking spots were argued over or something equally childish.
In a burst of chivalry, Chris may or may not have tried to shake Frank?s hand. Testosterone flared and a 6-man rumble ensued. Frank got a nasty cut on his hand. The police were called. Chris left before they arrived. Frank stayed and gave a statement. No charges have been filed so far. None of what I just said is confirmed.
Frank and Chris are both self-proclaimed pot-lovers. As we all know,?pot relaxes you, makes you feel peaceful and mellow, like hanging out and sharing some snacks. So why were they so feisty? Perhaps they were trying not to smoke on the Sabbath. Perhaps pot is not?the only substance?involved. Or perhaps they’re just hot-headed assholes … one of them is quite well-documented as such. In any case, following the altercation, Frank tweeted:
“got jumped by Chris and a couple guys. Lol. I only wish Everest was there.”
First, Everest is his dog. Second, it's telling?when a person tweets about getting ?jumped by Chris? and everyone on earth knows that they're referring to Chris Brown.
A few minutes later, Frank followed up with:
“cut my finger now I can’t play w two hands at the grammys.”
Since the Grammy’s is two weeks away, he must have been cut badly. Or else he’s a hypochondriac. Or maybe he likes to practice before performances. Who knows.
For his part, Chris posted the following uncharacteristically restrained message on Instagram:
?Working on my album. Not working on negativity. Focus on feeding ya family. Bullshit will forever be in the shadows.?
Frank and Chris have sparred in the past, with a Twitter-documented argument in 2011 (and possibly other issues that weren't aired over social media ? perish the thought). The 2011 feud began when Chris tweeted:
?i fuck wit Frank Ocean! Reminds me of a young James Fauntleroy or Kevin Cossum.?
That got Frank?s panties in a twist and he replied:
?i fucks wit Chris Brown, reminds me of a young sisqo or ike turner?
(For the record, I'm trying to be objective with the limited information available, but Frank is kind of funny and Chris Brown is awful in every way. (Other than dancing. He is a good dancer. But everything else about him is awful.))
Chris countered Frank?s jab with two back-to-back over-reactions.
“it was a compliment you bitch ass nigga. Everybody claim to be the devil till they meet him.”
“fuck odd future! Make sure y’all smalltime niggas stick yo chess out when u speak to me.?
The whole mess?supports my belief that Chris should be court-ordered to smoke high-grade pot all day every day to try to keep him chilled out and not fighting with and/or beating anyone. Or he should go to jail. I think we would all feel much safer. And hopefully Frank?s hand heals before the Grammy?s. Try some Neosporin, Frank. And let's all try to act like adults from now on.