Foxy Brown is the female rapper who used to be completely deaf. It's a good job, then, that Foxy Brown isn't going to jail, since any lingering aural difficulties would have made it harder for Foxy Brown to shiv a nonce in the ribs.
But that's not something that Foxy Brown has to worry about any time soon – she's avoided jail for charges stemming from an incident where she flew into medieval rage on a bunch of nail salon workers over a $20 bill. But now Foxy Brown is a free woman. Well, sort of free – she was found guilty and given a load of probation – but she won't be going to jail for Hulk-smashing a salon to pieces with her fists. And it only took two years for the decision to get made.
Nail salons can do funny things to people. For the delicate people of hecklerspray, we only have to walk past a salon when its door is open and we start to feel woozy from all that stinky fumey shit that they squirt around. Paula Abdul once tried to get congress to pass a nail salon bill because she went to one once and they hurt her thumb-thumb. But Foxy Brown, though, is queen of the mental nail salon behaviour.
According to claims, in 2004 Foxy Brown went berserk in a New York nail salon over a $20 bill for a manicure that she may or may not have received. Instead of paying the bill, or taking it through the small claims court procedure, Foxy Brown instead kicked one nail salon worker and punched another in the kisser. Not even unusually short female rappers with famously dirty mouths can get away with that, and Foxy Brown was hauled off to court where she pleaded guilty to assault and then not guilty again because she said she was a bit confused by all the long words and that.
Finally, though, a verdict has been reached in the courts. E! Online reports:
The sentencing was due to take place Monday, but the 27-year-old emcee failed to show up, leaving her lawyer, Frank Rothman, to tell the court Brown was at home recuperating from a dental procedure. Her absence tested the patience of Judge Melissa C. Jackson, who postponed the hearing for a day and warned Rothman that if his truancy-prone client again failed to appear, her plea bargain would be void and she would be locked up for one year. Although she struck a deal with prosecutors to avoid jail in exchange for her admission of guilt to two lesser counts, she still made a last-ditch effort to turn her plea around. "I'm innocent," she told the judge.
And the sentence? Foxy Brown has avoided a jail charge, but has received three years' probation, an order to take some anger management classes and some random drug tests. This is in addition to Foxy Brown's previous sentence of always being confused for Lil' Kim all the time by everyone she meets for her whole lifetime.
[story by Stuart Heritage]