Wow, television network executives are really brilliant. Brilliant, we say, because they’re saving gobs of money by not making shows that actually need writers, and instead continue to produce reality shows and search contests that are so painfully mind-numbing and repetitive that we want to tear out our hair and dropkick the television set into a pool of liquid-hot magma.
And so it’s no surprise that the masterminds at the Fox Network have once again tapped into this brilliant television production tactic. Despite our long succession of ‘please air something other than crap’ petitions, one man angst rallies outside network headquarters, and, consequently, 'cease and desist' letters to us from the Fox lawyers, the network has announced a new search contest called American Band. Soon, American Band will be followed by exciting spin-offs such as American Halo Player, American Cow Tipper, and American Mime. Check your local TV listings!
We know, we know. You’re thinking it’s going to be just like American Idol, right? Well, you’re wrong because American Band will feature young, unheard of musicians that will be critiqued by random, semi-celebrity judges with wacky personalities, and then voted on by a nation of pre-teens that will never buy the winners’ album, thereby exiling the next big act into clearance bin oblivion the second the show is over. See? Totally different.
Actually, as far as we can tell, the main difference between American Idol and American Band – aside from the obvious solo singer versus musical ensemble format, respectively – is the identity of the judges and the host. American Band will feature John Reznik from the Goo Goo Dolls (no, we don't know why either), famous drummer Sheila E., and Ian "Dicko" Dickson. We don’t really know who Dickson is or is we’re supposed to know who he is, but apparently he’s some Australian TV personality. The host of American Band will be New Zealand Idol host Dominic Bowden. We don’t know who this guy is either, but we’re sure to watch because boy-oh-boy do those foreign accents make us swoon!
The judges will be responsible for narrowing down the auditioning acts to 10 bands that will then perform a variety of song covers and original music. Similar to American Idol, the bands will be voted on by America until only one band remains. The remaining band will receive a recording contract with 19 Records. Then the band will step to the forefront of music innovation with fellow search contest band winners as O-Town, Da Band, and the impending success of VH1’s Man Band.
On second thought, it might be interesting to see what talents lay dormant in America’s garage bands. Someone please just warn us when it's Goo Goo Dolls cover night, because if we have to hear that song from the City of Angels soundtrack ever again we’re going to rip our arm off and beat ourselves to a lifeless pulp with it.
Read more:
Fox Reveals American Band Camp – E! Online
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello
Although agreeing with the sentiments expressed in the article, it is painful to read phrases such as “liquid-hot magma.” First, where did the quantifier “liquid-hot” come from? A cup of coffee is liquid and hot, but not approaching the magnitude of magma. Further, a glass of water is liquid, but more likely to be chilled than hot. Since “magma” itself denotes a state of liquidity, it’s rather like saying “liquid-hot liquid.”
Sorry, but I couldn’t pass this up.
Ed
amen sister amen! how many more reality shows are they going to come up with? luv you!
Being a Huge Goo Goo Dolls fan for 15 years, I was very offeneded by your article. John Rzeznik is the most talented singer-songer writer we have today. If anything, having him on this show might give this show ratings.
The Goo Goo Dolls are the best rock band around and have been around for 21 years. Not alot of bands can say that. Plus they still are releasing new material that gets played on top 40 radio.
Obiviuosly, you don’t know talent when you see it or hear it!
And as for the song “Iris” it is a classic that I would never get tired of hearing.
While I actually like the Goo Goo Dolls, hearing “we have to hear that song from the City of Angels soundtrack ever again we’re going to rip our arm off and beat ourselves to a lifeless pulp with it” is lovely. It’s so hard to be creative and demeaning at the same time. Kudos!
I agree with Marlena…John Rzeznik is an underrated musician and he definetely should be given more credit.
The band would have been long gone if they had been unsuccesful, so let’s leave it at that. Iris was a smash hit and I bet if any other well-known band had composed it ,people wouldnt get tired of it.
I agree with Marlena…John Rzeznik is an underrated musician and he definetely should be given more credit.
The band would have been long gone if they had been unsuccesful, so let’s leave it at that. Iris was a smash hit and I bet if any other well-known band had composed it ,people wouldnt get tired of it.
Why do you have to dis John Rzeznik? He’s a great songwriter and maybe Iris was played way to much, but still, give the man a break. At least we get to look at him on a weekly basis!
…..You mean the three-time grammy-nominated Iris? Number one on the billboard charts for 18 weeks Iris, written by John Rzeznik? Yeah, John Rzeznik, what a hack….what were they thinking????
Obviously, you do not know anything about the Goo Goo Dolls or their music, Annette, if the only song you can even think to reference is Iris. Yes, it was overplayed (John himself has acknowledged that), but it was an awesome song – get over it!!
Did you know John wrote Iris in a matter of hours on a guitar that only had four strings? Did you know the Goo Goo Dolls hold the record for the most consecutive top ten hits on adult contemporary radio? Did you know they set the record at 12 and have now broken it at 14, this year, after playing together for 21 years? Did you know they’ve been touring in support of their latest album for 15 straight months and still playing to sellout crowds? DId you know John was awarded an ASCAP award THIS YEAR for writing Better Days and that this was his FOURTH ASCAP award?
What was Fox thinking? They were thinking that John Rzeznik is one of the most experience and talented musician/songwriters out there and that they were LUCKY to have him on the show. They’re also banking on how much his presence will drive up the ratings. Marlena is right – you obviously don’t recognize talent because this man has more than almost anyone out there.
I love fans like this. So fact driven and yet emotionally attached to typing with caps. I also love how they all never fail to include an “you obviously don’t know” somewhere in their angry sob. You’d think they were all hooked up to the same machine to like the same things and respond exactly the same in kind to those who differ in opinion.
Who, or what, are the Goo Goo Dolls? And why do they allow one of themselves to be called Rzeznik for god’s sake? If that is them in front of what appears to be some kind of Malaise-Era Ford, they need hitting with a stick.
kudos to you susie!!! i dont think anyone couldve put it better than you!! you pretty much said everything i wanted to! “john rzeznik from the goo goo dolls(no we dont know why either)…” ill tell you why, maybe because it would be very inspirational to all the young hopefuls in garage bands to have a judge who started out in a garage band and made it HUGE!! oh yeah and the fact that he has numerously(sp?)beat his own record for top ten hits (14 to be exact) must have nothing to do with it!!! the fact that he is gorgeous beyond belief must not have been a factor either! he writes songs and music and lyrics like no other artist! he has a voice like no one’s ever heard! he and the band do so much with USA Harvest and other community service organizations, are building a non-profit music studio, and care more about their fans than any other band or single artist out there! I am one of the most loyal dedicated fans out there and there are sooooo many more of us, that i would do your research next time because whether or not the show is going to be a hit, you shouldn’t speak of things that you know nothing about…and obvioulsy you know NOTHING about John Rzeznik or the Goo Goo Dolls.
HEY ADAM – MY OPINION IS LARGELY FACT-DRIVEN, ACTUALLY. ON THE OTHER HAND, I DON’T SEE ANY FACTS IN YOUR RESPONSE – JUST A PERSONAL ATTACK ON ME AND OTHER FANS OF THE GOO GOO DOLLS (MUCH LIKE THE WRITE OF THIS ARTICLE ATTACKED JOHN RZEZNIK).
WHAT FACTS DO YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT THAT JOHN RZEZNIK AND THE GOO GOO DOLLS ARE NOT SUCCESSFUL AND TALENTED AND THAT JOHN DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE THE JUDGE ON THIS SHOW? DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM OR THE BAND AT ALL? LOOKS TO ME LIKE NEITHER YOU NOR THIS REVIEWER HAS ANYTHING TO OFFER OTHER THAN PERSONAL ATTACKS ON JOHN RZEZNIK AND HIS FANS. IF YOU’D LIKE TO HAVE AN INTELLIGENT FACT-DRIVEN DEBATE – I WELCOME THE OPPORTUNITY. IF YOU JUST WANT TO THROW PERSONAL ATTACKS BACK AND FORTH – NO THANKS.
Susie, You just said everything that had to be said……you can’t reason with people who think because we all like the same band and music that we are programmed from some machine. Maybe it’s a big machine(only a Goo fan would get that)
Everybody is intilted to their opinion, but why does it have to attack other people.
HUGE KUDOS TO SUSIE! All i can say is this article sucks and is beyond not true, i just find it sad people don’t know “REALLY GOOD MUSIC” when they hear it so i just pity you. Johnny Rzeznik is one of the most amazing signers/songwriters out there but i’m not going to sit here and stress to you about it. I know it all of us “REAL FANS” know it. And also AND ALSO I LOVE CAPS!!!!!!
And ps. while i am sitting there enjoying one of my favorite songs it will make me even happier knowing that you are sitting there beating yourself to a lifeless pulp with your own arm
It is them Gilbert. And thank you ladies for providing ample evidence to my complaint. Although, had you actually read more than three words of it, you’d see I wasn’t directly attacking the Goo Goo Dolls themselves, just you and your kind. One last thing Susie, your keyboard caps light is still on isn’t it? Turn it off.
“ON THE OTHER HAND, I DON’T SEE ANY FACTS IN YOUR RESPONSE – JUST A PERSONAL ATTACK ON ME AND OTHER FANS OF THE GOO GOO DOLLS….”
CLEARLY I UNDERSTOOD THAT YOU WERE ATTACKING THE FANS NOT THE GOO GOO DOLLS. DID YOU READ MORE THAN THE FIRST SENTENCE OF MY COMMENT?
THANKS FOR PROVIDING ME AMPLE EVIDENCE THAT YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF INTELLIGENT DEBATE AND ONLY INTERESTED IN THROWING PERSONAL ATTACKS BACK AND FORTH.
IS THAT WHAT THAT LIGHT WAS FOR? WOW, THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP. YOU MUST BE REALLY SMART.
Yes, but what kind of car is it? It’s annoying me now.
What type of car ? It’s a 1963-65 Buick Riviera, the stack sidelights are a giveaway!