You’ve heard Florence and the Machine right? Of course you have. Every single time you turn the television on, you’re likely to hear the caterwaul yelping of their dreadful cover of You Got The Love. In fact, you can’t move without hearing it.

The government is planning on making it mandatory listening. Every time you open your eyes in the morning, a small speaker installed in your house will be activated by motion detectors and blast the screeching pop hit in your face. Many believe that this move is to see suicide rates rocket and thereby ‘keep the numbers’ down in our fair isle’s attempt to reduce the collective carbon footprint (so don’t use the rubber hose/exhaust pipe method for Christ’s sake!)

Anyway, Florence from Florence and The Machine has described her haul of nominations for this year’s Brit awards as “unbelievable”.

You’re telling us! It’s unbelievable that anyone with at least one functioning ear hole could justify one nomination, let alone three.

Mystifyingly, the singer from a band has been nominated for British female. They’ve also been nommed for British breakthrough act and British album. Flo told Newsbeat:

“I honestly never ever thought I’d be up against people like Lily Allen and Lady Gaga because they’re such huge stars. It seems unbelievable that we’d be in the same category. I just see them as really successful and famous artists. I still feel like I’m still just emerging. It’d be nice to win something like British breakthrough act because this year has been for me a big break through.”

The ceremony,which could see cocaine dealers enjoying a rush on during the recession (not that anyone famous takes drugs… no… that’s what the hangers-on are all up to), will be held on 16th February at London’s Earls Court. For those who haven’t seen it, it closely resembles Jools Holland‘s rubbish TV show, writ large like some horrible future when the rat-faced boogie merchant takes over the world.

It won’t be the first time Florence has played the show, last time…

“I was terrified. I cried. I’ve never done anything as scary as having to walk out onto that stage. I was literally having heart palpitations. I thought I was having a panic attack. Hopefully this time I won’t cry.”

Nope, that’ll be our job as viewer when we stare down our tellyboxes into the gaping cultural hole that is The Music Business Awards Ceremony, where ‘unlikely’ artists team up with each other and pat each other on the back for their amazing contribution to the element of surprise and originality.

Y’know… just like Jools Holland playing boogie-woogie piano over a Seasick Steve set, only this time, with actual young people involved. It’s going to be appalling and you damn well know it.

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