I apologize?for the obvious reference to her song ‘Criminal,’ but it?s true. It would appear that Fiona likes to smoke the hashish and she went and got herself caught. She joins the ranks of Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg by getting arrested at a Border Patrol checkpoint?in Sierra Blanca, Texas. Tsk tsk.
This arrest might actually be good for her. She recently released a new album, The Idler Wheel blah blah blah the title is seriously a paragraph long, and this could provide?the little boost in popularity that she needs. She’s a bit of a recluse, so to say that she releases albums at a glacial pace would be an understatement.
But okay, I think it’s obvious what?needs to be?discussed first, and that is her mugshot. This might be my favorite celebrity mugshot ever. What is she doing? Is she meditating? Yoga? She just looks so “ommm” sensei-downward-facing-dog-Namaste-whatever. She has that eerily calm serial killer demeanor, right? I honestly believe that when she opens her eyes they are going to be glowing red orbs of pure evil, casting spells and shit, I don’t even want to know.
At a show in Houston a few days ago, Ms. Apple decided to address her arrest because maybe she just felt like she owed it to her fans or something. So she gets on stage and starts talking about her treatment while in the slammer and how everyone, for the most part, was super nice to her.?But honestly, Fiona, no one cares. No one. What are you even talking about? You want to make the Sheriff’s Department famous? What? Here’s the clip:
But don’t you dare?think that the Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Department is taking this lying down! No way! Spokesman Rusty Fleming issued a statement in which he responds to Fiona’s comments by telling her to “just shut up and sing.” Ouch. But that’s not all he had to say:
Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say. Now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump started. Don’t worry, Sweetie, I won’t bill you.
Fiona’s?always been notorious for having a sharp tongue and?she just?loves a good rant. Who could forget this little gem from the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards, where she says the world is bullshit and you should be your own person and stuff. Don’t listen to what anybody else says, huh? We’ll definitely be taking your advice. Thanks, girlfriend.
Thanks for being you, Fiona. Keep doing your thing. And maybe eat something? You’re looking mighty frail.