What is the point of Adam Sandler? Sure, there was a time when his mongrel-like face, annoying laugh and humour as subtle as getting diarrhoea in a library was kind-of-okay and sorta charming, but now he’s officially gone too far.
That manchild routine may have been acceptable in the ’90s, but it’s 2011 and mass audiences will not put up with his crap anymore.
OK that’s a lie; his films always gross an obscene amount of money which convince people to finance his future films and leave those with any sort of taste weeping in the corner while trying to understand why the world is such a depressing place.
But before we get to how stupid everyone is for paying to see this sort of crap, lets talk about Just Go With It, Sandler’s newest romcom, which already has the distinction of being just as dreadful as Kate Hudson’s last cinematic abortion.
The film starts in the ’80s (and you know that because everyone has bad hair and big shoulderpads and clothes that looks like a sequin monster vomited all over them) when cardiologist Danny Maccabee (Sandler) finds out his fiance is only marrying him for his money.
Broken hearted, he sulks in a bar and whines about his problem to an exceedingly hot woman who wouldn’t spit on him were he on fire. She, SOMEHOW, is touched by his story and turned on by his ring that she takes him home for awful, awful sex.
This causes a little lightbulb to go off over his idiotic head and he switches to plastic surgery, gets himself a new schnoz and starts using his wedding ring (cue hideously lazy and completely out of date Gollum joke) to lure young, stupid girls into his bed.
Yes, this is our hero, the man we’re supposed root for, a man who basically uses his ring as rohypnol.
At a party thrown by a man who can’t control his face because he’s had so much work done (HAHAHAHAHAHA!) he meets, shags, then falls in love with Palmer (Brooklyn Decker), a school teacher who absolutely doesn’t look like a school teacher. But uh-oh, she finds his ring and because she’s so utterly perfect she refuses to date a married man and Danny has to come up with a scheme to justify his wedding ring.
Have you lost the will to live yet?
Luckily, he has a lovely assistant named Katherine (Jennifer Aniston) who agrees to play the part should he buy her some expensive shoes and get her a haircut because as a single mother to two annoying little shits, she doesn’t have time to make sure she looks sub-human before leaving the house. It’s at this point it’s made explicitly clear that expensive clothes make you more beautiful because Katherine gets hot overnight simply by taking off her glasses and lab coat.
She accidentally slips about the two brats she owns and now they have to pretend to be his kids too. As if it couldn’t get any worse, they decide to go on a big holiday to Hawaii. Honestly why even go on? Just grab whatever might be a little bit sharp and start scratching away at your limbs.
So, just so we’re clear, these are all the things that have happened so far:
- Danny is supposed to be loveable when in fact he’s a lying cunt who preys on young women with self-esteem so low they’d let him put his penis wherever he likes.
- Palmer is a holier-than-thou school teacher who doesn’t believe in infidelity but will gladly sleep with a man she just met and parade around with her jugs spilling out.
- Jennifer Aniston pretends to be dowdy by having her hair in a ponytail and pimps out her children for some shoes.
- We’re expected to believe that after one night Danny and Palmer are in love and she’s prepared to put up with this crap even though they have NOTHING in common.
The action goes to Hawaii for no reason other than to have Aniston and Decker walk around in bikinis in slow motion. Honestly, it would’ve been less obvious for placards to appear on screen saying “YOU WILL NEVER BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THESE PEOPLE”. Let’s not talk about the idiot they rope in to be Katherine’s partner or the daughter who insists on speaking in a cockney accent or the fact that it’s impossible to care about any of these people because they are all so dreadful.
Nicole Kidman rocks up to provide a few laughs but as soon as a man (who turns out to be gay) picks up a coconut with his arse it all gets upsetting again. Sandler, enough of this. The greatness of The Wedding Singer cannot erase crap like this and it’s time to leave the industry of making films forever!
Avoid Just Go With It like the plague. In fact, getting the plague and using your last days to pick scabs off would be much more fun that this soulless tripe created to make rich people richer.
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Sally says
Loved the movie. So did a packed theatre of movie gowers. Your language is offensive.
Mithaearon says
What? English is offensive to you?
autospellcheck says
Movie “gowers”? Quite frankly, I’m offended by yours!
Bugeye says
You must have seen this movie on Valentines Day. Alone.
Damon says
I would have to respectfully disagree! I thought this movie was awesome! Sure Adam Sandler wasn