Fergie Shows San Diego Police A Good Time

Having their San Diego gig halted by local police was no big deal for Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas. She dedicated the group's hit song Where is the Love? to the unmoved law enforcers before strolling off stage and urinating into her Spandex hotpants.

Though in actual fact Fergie has not lost control of her faculties during a live show for quite some time. Apparently she has done so many sit-ups her bladder has regressed into her cleavage, where it occasionally swells up for photo shoots and pre-coital heaving.

During their Tuesday gig to promote the opening of the Hard Rock hotel in the city, The Black Eyed peas - consisting of Fergie, apl.de.ap, Taboo, will.i.am, Conceited.com, Boba Fett and Haile Selassie - were bobbing away like an elderly pantomime troupe until San Diego police pulled their plug for exceeding noise levels.

"Fergie said they would close the show with 'Where Is the Love?" commented a hotel representative. "She said it was for our friends - the police - in the lobby."

Of course Fergie was gracious - the concert was cutting into her all-important texting time. How can a 48-year-old woman with a face resembling Shere Khan possibly retain her appeal to the world's teenage mums without it?

Presumably the Peas must sample Fergie's mobile phone for most of its records, as every recent release has sounded like a cross between a ZX Spectrum loading and a travel alarm clock.

Yet despite finishing early, the entire 1,200 strong crowd of sonically-impaired revellers left happy and singing and off to the nearest newsstand to buy a Pepsi.

Incidentally The Black Eyed Peas donated the show’s profits to their chosen charity, The Peapod Foundation.

This does not, as we initially thought, represent the dying wishes of underprivileged garden vegetables, but rather distribute aid to needy and exploited children. Handily, many of these are actually situated in the same sweatshop where the group buys their trainers.

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