Admit it – if you ever saw Matthew McConaughey in any kind of physical peril, you'd leave him to it, perhaps silently rooting for the physical peril.
And that, people, is because you're not surfers. Surfers, you see, love Matthew McConaughey. To them, he's like a shining example of what a surfer can become with nothing more than a handful of abnormally dreadful romcom scripts, some sort of baldness-reversing procedure and a string of girlfriends who don't really seem all that convincing.
And that's why, when a crowd of surfers saw a paparazzo taking pictures of Matthew McConaughey, they apparently beat him up and threw him into the sea. Proof, if proof was needed, that Fool's Gold might actually seem good if you've smacked yourself in the head with resin-coated Polyurethane enough times.
Everyone knows that the biggest plague affecting celebrities today is the paparazzi. They're always there, sneaking around, secretly validating the celebrity's overinflated sense of self-worth and simultaneously acting as impromptu carpark wrestling partners at the drop of a hat. Urgh, they make us sick.
Especially since it's not just big stars who get hounded by the paparazzi. Really crap stars who've never made a movie you've willingly paid to see are also plagued by them too, by which we obviously mean Matthew McConaughey and nobody else.
Sure, Matthew McConaughey might have, on occasion, done the odd thing to prompt the curiosity of the paparazzi – like not being gay and nothing else – but that doesn't mean that people can go around taking photos of him whenever they want to. And if they do, they'll have to be prepared to incur the wrath of a handful of soggy topless men who all speak like Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Which is to say that a bunch of surfers basically attacked a photographer for looking at Matthew McConaughey this weekend. The Los Angeles Times reports:
A paparazzo trying to photograph and videotape actor Matthew McConaughey at the beach Saturday told police he was attacked by a mob of surfers. "They formed a semicircle in front of his camera and they said they didn't want him to film," said Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore. "They got into an argument, and he indicated that he received injuries."
TMZ has got a video of the incident, which is worth watching for this exchange alone:
Surfer: "Get a job!"
Paparazzo: "This is a job, what do you do?"
Surfer: "I fucking drink beer and party! Woohoohoohoo!"
Seriously, Matthew McConaughey, a paparazzo and a gang of deeply unpleasant-seeming surfers, and not a single frenzied attack by a swarm of maneating seals. We're disappointed in you, seals. No wonder you get clubbed so much.
gir says
I drink beer and party too, but you don’t see me getting all defensive of Matthew McConaughey about it. I have standards.
Marcos El Malo says
The paparazzi are a menace, not just to the celebs (for whom I don’t have much sympathy), but for the general public. The paps would shove your grandma off the curb and into traffic if she were in the way of them getting their shot of Sarah Jessica Parker picking her nose.
Their behavior has become so obnoxious that it’s not surprising that members of the public are taking matters into their own hands. I predict that this is just the start of a new fad: Paparazzi Punching. The beauty of this is that the paps will video and post it online for you.
Thank you! says
First logical take on this i’ve seen. Get a real job!!! No bigger tool in the media than that guy….except for Mr. M – no, I cant spell his name, nor do I give a shi* how