Farrah Abraham is like that cold sore on a hooker’s lip that just won’t go away. Sure, it may disappear for a while, but eventually it returns, and manages to both piss you off and gross you and everyone else out at the same time.
Since Farrah likes to add jobs to her resume like she works at Chili’s and they’re tacky ass flairs, she has now taken up singing. Or, more accurately spoken word in a somewhat melodic form that has been heavily auto tuned to the point where even T-Pain is like “Bitch, that’s too much.”
Because the world isn’t filled with enough shittiness, someone actually let Farrah Abraham into their recording studio to make music. Or what can loosely be described as music. And she has a just as equally terrible video to go along with it, chock full of low budget green screen shit and Farrah trying to pretend she’s likeable. It’s basically everything you expect from the bitch who makes this face while crying and trying to act like she has feelings.
The song is called “Blowin” which is ironic because that was originally the title of her porno, um “leaked sex tape,” but unfortunately there was already a series of videos using that. The lyrics sound like something a 12 year old with limited understanding of the English language would write, and she manages to mispronounce the word “celebrity,” which makes sense in a weird way since Abraham is probably more used to hearing the word “fucktard” when describing her.
In the video, she has a bunch of actors hired to play friends of hers, because much like her last boyfriend, no one spends time with Farrah Abraham without the promise of monetary compensation. She also rented out her daughter from her parents for the shoot, which was nice for Sophia to get an up close reminder of why she will never have sex in high school.
At least Farrah participated in “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day” for this video and not her last one. That would have been awkward. Abraham also uses the music video to basically pimp out her Twitter and social media pages. Because as her Twitter points out, she is the self proclaimed “#1 Reality TV Personality!” (As I typed that, Lindsay Lohan stopped drinking from her Evian bottle filled with “water” and yelled “Bitch, that’s my title!”)
There is also some scenes of Farrah behind some bars, which is lovely. It’s technically one of those ho cages where a girl with daddy issues usually dances around in go-go boots and a thong, but it is nice to see a glimpse into where Abraham should be for her crimes against humanity’s eyes and ears. Farrah also does a lot of swaying and head tilting to show her haterz how much she just don’t give a fuck. If you don’t really value your time, or if you’ve also been drinking out of a Lindsay approved bottle, then here is the video for you. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
If Farrah is really serious about blowing all her haterz, she really needs to makeup with Steve Hirsch at Vivid. She could quite possibly become the first female trillionaire.