Fantastic Four - Movie Review Digest

Another week passes in a busy - but not that busy - summer movie season, and with it comes another apparently brainless blockbuster: Fantastic Four.

The only direct exposure hecklerspray has had with Fantastic Four is with it’s trailer, so we know the basic plot of the movie. A bunch of attractive astronauts get blown up in a spaceship and funny things happen to them. One goes evil, one sets himself on fire a lot, one goes invisible, one turns into a sun-dried crusty turd man and Hornblower can make his arms go all stretchy.

But that’s all we know. What do people who have actually seen Fantastic Four all the war through think of it? Here’s the hecklerspray Fantastic Four movie review digest…

Rob Blackwielder from Splicedwire says that Fantastic Four "may be the worst comic-book picture since Batman And Robin". Don’t think this is frightening? If this is true, it makes it even worse than Daredevil. And that has to be going some to top that for cack-brained awfulness.

Victoria Alexander from Filmsinreview.com is under the impression that "none of these actors bothered to read the script. Sometimes you can smell the actors just signing the paycheck." If Victoria has such a finely-tuned sense of smell, why isn’t she in the movie as Inksmello The Woman Who Smells Pens?

Frank Swietek from Oneguysopinion.com reveals that the film consists of "laughable
scientific jargon, juvenile jibes, slobbering romantic drivel,
stentorian super-hero cliche and - heaven help us! - human interest
smarminess".

Owen Gleiberman from Entertainment Weekly points out that "After
the spectacle of Spider-Man 2, the psychodramatic grip of Batman
Begins, the slapstick genius of The Incredibles, who needs these
cardboard heroes anyway?"

Roger Ebert - who, incidentally, can push a hole in the side of a nuclear submarine with his thumbs - sums it all up nicely by asking "Are these people complete idiots?". But is he talking about the Fantastic Four or all these reviewers? Or us? Or you? Roger Ebert probably hates you.

[story by Stuart Heritage]