Fake David Beckham At Large In L.A
Then buzz it up
August 1st, 2007 at 11:00 by C J Davies
How Los Angeles has welcomed the Beckhams.
First, the celebrity couple were greeted by legions of fans and admirers upon their arrival at the airport - every one of them anxious to catch a glimpse of a woman who looks like a transvestite Skeletor and a man so stupid it takes him two hours to watch Sixty Minutes.
And now they've got the ultimate accolade from their newfound American chums. Actually, it's only really David who's been given the accolade. He's got his very own imposter, see - a weird guy who has been phoning up various Los Angeles officials offering all sorts of services. Hey - it's as much a confirmation of stardom as a big yellow star on that magical Hollywood sidewalk!
True, Victoria is a bit jealous of all the attention her husband is getting, but plans are afoot to redress the balance. She's due to have her face carved onto Mount Rushmore in the next few months, so that her Terrahawk-with-bulimia visage can beam proudly over the South Dakota landscape, frightening tourists where'er she may gaze.
It brings an eagle-shaped tear to hecklerspray's eye just thinking about it.
Anyway - this imposter business. Basically, right, there's this unhinged fellow who has:
… made a number of phone calls to Los Angeles officials in the last week, offering to host charity events and sign autographs. The crank caller has made around 12 calls to the Los Angeles County And Sheriff's Department offices and discussed 'his' friend Tom Cruise, charity work with children and giving away tickets to watch him play for L.A. Galaxy.
Those clever officials soon sussed out that this wasn't the real David Beckham, however, by 'asking him questions'. They're keeping quiet about what these questions actually were, but hecklerspray is willing to bet they're something along the lines of 'what is two plus two?', 'what time does your local 7-11 close?' and 'what is Sherlock Holmes - a fictional detective or a housing project?'. Anything other than confused silence and they reckon they're onto a faker.
For the moment, the David Beckham impersonator remains at large. Police are investigating the matter and presumably trying to think of a suitable punishment for the man.
Compulsory attendance at the Spice Girls reunion gigs, perchance? Or is that too harsh? Yeah - maybe they should go easier on him.
Electric chair it is, then.
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August 1st, 2007 at 3:00 pm
For a minute there, I thought you were going to tell us that a man was running around LA pretending to be David Beckham in person; and, not actually having any idea who David Beckham is, everyone believed the man.
August 1st, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Funnily enough Leslie, that is what I intend to do on my holidays.
August 1st, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Actually, the fake Mr. beckham has been phoning up the real Mr. Beckham and leaving reminder messages for “himself.” Causing the real Mr. Beckham to run about town picking up necessaries such as frozen peas, Bed Head styling gel, Krispy Kremes and Dexatrim. A befuddled Victoria happily accepts said items and chalks it up to a “major” psychic connection with her beloved.