We ran a race once when we were ten and got second place. Second place isn’t bad for a chubby little kid with a bad perm. We got a medal and everything. Do you think they gave a medal to the person that came in 785th place in that race? Do you? Well, they most certainly didn’t. Not only because there were only about 30 kids in the race, but also because 785th place isn’t really a place at all. It’s hundreds of spots away from the winner. It’s where the losers hang out.
Know who’s a 785th place loser, too? Facebook originator Mark Zuckerberg, that’s who. What a slacker. He’s probably all boo-hoo about being 785th place. What’s that? The thing for which he placed 785th was the list of richest people in the world?
Well, then that’s not too shabby out of billions of people, now is it.
People say that money can’t buy happiness, but if we were named one of the richest people in the world by Forbes magazine right now, we’d be happier than a drunk Care Bear on speed right now. But, we’re not on the list. Neither are you, for that matter, but someone who is on the list making you feel even more pathetic and unsuccessful is 23-year-old Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
Yeah, you read that right. 23 years old. In fact, he’s apparently the youngest person on the list who didn’t inherit money from their dead, geezerly sugar daddy (Anna Nicole Smith we’re looking down at you. Well, we have to look down because you’re dead in a grave) or anyone else. Mark Zuckerberg is a self-made man. We hate our lives.
So, basically, Mark Zuckerberg has become a billionaire making a website that allows you throw cyber cows and chickens at people and join groups like ‘Group to stop all of these applications for all these groups’ group. Well, he’s actually made $1.5 billion dollars if you want to split hairs. Seriously. $1.5 billion dollars. For throwing cows. Man, do we feel the fool for not starting that farm animal-chucking farm website we thought about. By Mark Zuckerberg’s example, it’d probably be a lot more successful than our real-life farm animal-chucking farm.
Wow, we just can’t get over that Mark Zuckerberg is only 23 years old. If you’re anything like we were at that age – and we know you are because we scour your Facebook profiles like neurotic ex-girlfriends looking for evidence of that new hag you’re dating in the manner for which the site was intended– you were aimlessly staring off into space wondering what to do with a college degree in Gregorian Masters of Chant, trying to figure out where in the world that smell is coming from.
At least we can take solace in the fact that Bill Gates dropped from the number one spot where he's been for 13 years to the number three spot. Friggin' imbecile.
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Facebook Founder Youngest Billionaire On The Planet - People
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I want to splooge all over his face.
i would love to be a computer guru
Am a programmer working so hard to be like my mentor Mark Zuckerberg. I love learning, doing the undone and break records ad i know some day i’ll also be there in the stars. My time says 3:11 Am and am still making research. I know i will get there by grace…
Yeah, you’ve got the wrong idea about wealth…. numbers are just cuesets with RESPECT TO FUNCTIONS, the amount tells you THAT YOU CAN get something done, me I would rather be dead than someone that can get NOTHING done, so MONEY is important to me….. but lets face it, it`s not about the respect you get but the respect you generate with it, and you need to consider changing your tone or go out there and do better for your nation. What did you think money was, something we PRINT UP?….money is NOT something we just invent, it`s a principle of how to organize MOTIVATIONS, and more than just virtual achievements at that, its not a form of any shared deluision so mind your downplaying of your own nouveau elites, not that the criticism is always wrong, but in this case think again, he`s helped provide the world with an interesting application, it has helped our means of social development. Personally I think he got ripped off, I think he should have waited about twenty years got China its own Facebook, and then got an international translation thingy like the kind those students from OCADU or U of T created.
Money is not just invention, its a capacity for intervention and the sense of what that is by way of direct experience with new forms of DYNAMIC understanding, money is hence a guague of a sort of intelligent capacity for reward and what that means to the loyalty we have with progress and measuring progress with further progress which lets face it is the very definition of and intelligent civilization. MONEY is a realization like Principle in society, meaning it`s a question of perspectives in what you realize with respect to the TRUE nature of power and for this FEW share my understanding, but then again the view from a Mountain top is VERY different from the mix and merging of your everyday venture.
To illustrate what I mean… NO ONE and I mean NO ONE could spend say 100 billion dollars in less than a second, it’s just not possible to take more than that much time to spend that kind of money. I’ll prove it. Someone says to me… I’ll give a 1 percent share in NASA YEP… that’s how easy it is to spend 100 billion dollars and believe you me NASA would be worth that kind of Money MINIMUM. Now personally I don’t like money that could be spent that quick…personally I like the idea of being the world’s first Trillionaire and I think I am worth that much in my sleep and I know you’d think I am dreaming, but when a thousand years from now society is moving forth with many of my projective and preventative measures, well what does a whole world of trouble cost nowadays or tomorrow. The fact of the matter is ALL people are priceless, but what makes us worthwhile is the fact that we work together and DO NOT TOLERATE VIOLATIONS OF CLEAR DEVALUATION OF NATURAL AND NURTURAL ORIGINS. For more on this thinking look up my work on Scribd.com or FACEBOOK. My name is Peter Kaleb Theodoropoulos. Wish me luck if all goes well I will help to pick Zuckerman out of his present stint with Poverty. Do not worry Mark, This too shall pass. By the way Mark, I was about to post this, but got banned from sending messages online due to death threats perhaps…but I mean ALOT of those people would look better with what I call “A Canadian bow tie“…it`s not just me saying so. … HENCE I TRIED TO TRACK YOU DOWN THIS WAY…but so far no go…so if any of you know Mark get your asses on the phone PRONTO…let`s go Mime is money.
Could you do me a solid please… ask Mark Zuckerberg to look me up like soonish…offering him to read everything on my blog which he has my permission to do. I have a proposal that I need for him to look up, I will only work with HIS team at this point…so he is stiffling progress by not meeting with me. IF in 5 years he doesn#t go ahead and help me with said project, I am looking at going to China to sort it. That#s more than enough time for him to go ahead and make his decision. I however expect this company to be assembled within about two years and at that I mean A MASSIVE company worth more than Facebook. So, he will be interested in this. IF he#s helpful I will offer HIM and others from China shares in a company I call VISION, this because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs passed on the company. More information is availalbe on my site and on Scribd.com. I thank you for MEETING the right persons in your company if you could please to get this information to Mark Zuckerman and other go to people. Thanks.
SO if you PERSONALLY know mark Zuckerman, or someone that KNOWS HIM PERSONALLY, be able to tell your grandchildren that you helped put together the biggest company since Microsoft… have him call me and meet me in Toronto Ontario, Canada, this year. IT`s a meeting that will change world history for all time. And if you want to keep your jobs learn the principle of FREEDOM OF SPEECH, or “I`ll slice your throat“…you talk that way about Bill Gates again, you`ll see. Any nation that takes their greatest accomplishments and calls them imbeciles is a person encouraging the destruction of Freedom WITH responsibility and pitting themselves against rediculous countermeasures, and weakens their own great nation. You are not an American. Moreover I am not promoting the ironic use of death threats, I just wanted to be clear about that. I believe in Justice, but you are talking about a man that`s recieved death threats continually…I mean that`s a certainty IF he opens my emails…because my kind of projects would bring UNPRECIDENTED wealth to the UNITED STATES. BUT it takes courage (not money) to make money. And for your courage I commend you. Without idiots like you, slamming our greatest achievers, we would have no way of knowing what intelligence truly could have indeed otherwise have dissolved into. What is this HECKLERSPRAY, right? Look most hecklers don`t throw magic bullets your way so mind the absurdies of free speech writ large, I am simply trying to use satire to have you tink again about what you believe a correct measure would look like…. yeah I know those `What Would Tyler Derden do` type of websites and personally I WOULD bomb buildings if I could as in headquarters of websites like that. HOWEVER, you don`t get somewhere in life if you cut out Union Jobs, so I believe in letting the Military do their jobs without intervention from amatures… hence at least demand that they respect your right to pepperspray people`s reputation, as long as you don`t mind some backlash…or lose some sleep, as you no likely deserve…some.
I personaly don#t know Mr. Gates, HOWEVER wish I did. ACTUALLY I wish he admired me, but I would never suck up to him to get that respect…these are just my values. Now, if you know how MR. Gates could Mentor me, help me out. IF you are an American, I know you stand for the right things no matter what you SAY, it#s what you do that makes you an American, so do the right thing, and do not edit out this message, prove to me that you DO stand for free speech as well as free development that never costs a thing, not the sort of development in other words that trades a dream for a nightmare. We can do this together, but for that we need to work together beyond what words gesture toward and what they inspire us to do about the problems of the world…so lets be careful and work together. Add me via Facebook if you would Like. All the best. Peter Kaleb Theodoropoulos. I`m sure that my addition here to your site will bring you tens of thousands in advertizing revenues, but I see that you are dead set against money, so I encourage you to give it to Unicef if you would like, else pressure them to work with me on my Wellworks Africa project. For this I would work WITH Bill Gates, but yeah…. for that I need about 2 Billion dollars to get me going…I`m sure he makes that in interest on his investments per year, so it shouldn`t be a problem. Anyhow wish me luck, and best wishes to you and your website as well…you hack…I mean heck…ler…spray…errrrr whatever you prefer to be called.