Everyone Wants To Bang Paris Hilton Up

There's a good chance that Paris Hilton hasn't been in this much trouble since she told Rick Salomon "Sure, I'll let you film me wanking you off just this once - but you have to promise that you won't start selling it on the internet, OK?"

Today Paris Hilton goes to court to face a hearing that claims she violated the terms of her probation stemming from her drink-driving arrest last September. And it's a serious hearing, too - if Paris Hilton is found to have violated her probation then she faces 90 days in jail. Of course, the prosecutors know that 90 days in prison would kill a delicate flower like Paris Hilton, and that's why they're only recommending that Paris Hilton gets banged up for 45 days. That may still sound a lot, but the reduced sentence means that Paris Hilton will have to perform 50% fewer unpleasant forced acts of cunnilingus on hefty professional jailbirds during her time in the slammer, which isn't really to be sniffed at.

When you're as rich, wonky-eyed and responsibility-free as Paris Hilton, trouble usually just slides off you. When Paris Hilton was rubbish in House Of Wax nobody batted an eyelid. When nobody bought any of Paris Hilton's albums, it was just shrugged off. When Paris Hilton pissed herself in a taxi… well, OK, the driver probably wasn't very happy, but everyone else just rolled their eyes and got on with their lives.

But not even the mighty Paris Hilton can escape the law. Seven months ago Paris Hilton was arrested for drink-driving, sparking off a weird chain of events that included several burger-based excuses and repeated protestations of innocence. Despite this, though, Paris Hilton was charged with, and then pleaded no contest to, drink-driving. As such she was given the usual sentence - which included fines, a place on an alcohol education course and 36 months probation.

Which, it seems, Paris Hilton promptly broke just over a month later when she was caught driving on her suspended license. Despite her slave Elliot Mintz's best "But Paris Hilton is stupid, she didn't realise a suspended license meant she couldn't drive" arguments, it was revealed that Paris Hilton faced jail for the offence.

And that might happen today, because today's the day that Paris Hilton goes to court. Forbes reports:

The hotel heiress faces a hearing Friday for allegedly violating the terms of her probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving conviction. Prosecutors have asked that she be jailed for 45 days. Prosecutors also want Hilton to stay away from alcohol for 90 days, wear a monitoring device that will chart whether she complies, and they seek to have her license suspended for an additional four months.

It's a tricky spot for the court to be in - if it lets Paris Hilton free without a jail sentence then it'll face obvious criticism over preferential treatment for celebrities; but if Paris Hilton does go to jail, even for 45 days, then it'll face criticism from us over Paris Hilton not being able to do a bunch of dumb shit for us to write about until the middle of the summer.

At least if Paris Hilton does go to jail, though, there's a chance that Nicole Richie might not be too far behind, thanks to her weird drugged-up backwards motorway session last year. And then it'll be just like The Simple Life, except that any humorously fouled-up tasks will be accompanied by a blinding smack across the back of the head from a sock stuffed with pebbles and not a redneck violin making a comedy confused noise.

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Paris Hilton Faces Possible Jail Time - Forbes