There'll be no bigger film released this year than The Da Vinci Code. The Da Vinci Code has it all; a giant fanbase, a dollop of religious controversy and a famous actor running around with the world's worst haircut.
The Da Vinci Code movie was screened for critics for the first time earlier in the week – critics who had mostly all probably read The Da Vinci Code book once and, just like you, instantly decided they were theology professors; critics who had enjoyed the canon of work by Da Vinci Code director Ron Howard; critics who were even willing to overlook Tom Hanks' despicable hair to judge The Da Vinci Code on its merits.
And they all thought it was shit.
For anyone who hasn't read The Da Vinci Code, this last week has been hellish. There have been endless interviews in Cannes with Ron Howard and Alfred Molina and Ian McKellen and Tom Hanks – who would rather call The Da Vinci Code "hooey" than acknowledge his rubbish hair. There have been Da Vinci Code trains steaming around Europe stuffed with people spouting crap about churches and stuff like they were the world's leading authority on them. There has even been the handy publicity religious outrage of a few Catholics getting in a big Da Vinci Code flap.
The deafening Da Vinci Code hype has been as relentless as it has been annoying but, you know, what's the Da Vinci Code movie actually like?
In short – rubbish. That's what most of the critics who have actually seen The Da Vinci Code think, anyway and – since it's a two-and-a-half hour drudge about a spooky monk chasing odd-haired Tom Hanks about Paris until they realise that Jesus is Amelie's granddad – who are we to argue with them.
According to reports, a press screening of The Da Vinci Code on Tuesday didn't go down all that well. The big reveal at the end of the film was met with open sniggering from the audience, who then remained completely silent once the film ended. And then the Da Vinci Code reviews started trickling in. Todd McCarthy from Variety wrote:
"A pulpy page-turner in its original incarnation as a huge
international best-seller has become a stodgy, grim thing in the
exceedingly literal-minded film version of The Da Vinci Code."
Lee Marshall of Screen International said:
"I haven't read the book, but I just thought there was a ridiculous
amount of exposition. I thought it was plodding and there
was a complete lack of chemistry between Audrey Tautou and Tom Hanks."
And the majority of reviews seem to agree. So maybe, just maybe, The Da Vinci Code is going to be a giant flop. And, more importantly, maybe Tom Hanks will cut his stupid idiot hair.
Read more:
Da Vinci Code secret is out: most critics hate it – Reuters
[story by Stuart Heritage]