If you ever wanted to be famous, why not take a leaf out of Levi Johnson’s book and knock up the teenage daughter of a high-ranking politician?
It seems to work – a few days ago, nobody knew who Levi Johnson was. And now, just because he happened to get vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin‘s underage daughter pregnant out of wedlock, you literally can’t get away from him. Seriously, he’s been in newspapers, magazines, on TV – and this morning we swear we saw Levi Johnson on a billboard advertising Sunny Delight, accompanied by the slogan ‘So good it’ll make you want to grow a mullet and have unprotected sex with a teenage girl, too!’
And, perversely, Levi Johnson seems to have only made Sarah Palin more popular. Barack Obama must be kicking himself – why can’t he find a nice young redneck to get one of his daughters pregnant too?
Sorry Democrats, we know you’ve put Diddy on the case, but not even his star wattage can help you now. Not now you’re up against the mighty Sarah Palin. She’s literally unstoppable.
Why? Because for a start she’s pretty. Not pretty pretty, mind you – politician pretty, which is basically where anyone under the age of 65 who doesn’t look like a greying testicle counts as stunningly attractive. Secondly, Sarah Palin loves guns and the death penalty, meaning that middle America would only love her more if she was biologically a monster truck. And thirdly, her teenage daughter sounds a bit slutty and careless.
As you’ve probably heard, Sarah Palin’s 17-year-old daughter Bristol is pregnant. A pregnant teenage unmarried daughter? What a genius career move – Sarah Palin has essentially done a Jamie Lynn Spears. If you’re wondering, doing a Jamie Lynn Spears is much smarter than doing a Britney Spears, although not as smart as doing a Vanessa Hudgens.
Sadly Sarah Palin knows who the father of her daughter’s unborn illegitimate baby is, otherwise they could have done an episode of Maury about it and wrap up the election right now. The father of the baby is Levi Johnson, an ice hockey player who described himself as a ‘fuckin’ redneck’ on his now-defunct MySpace page.
And right now Levi Johnson is probably wondering what the hell he’s got himself into.
Not only is he (probably) being railroaded into marrying Sarah Palin’s daughter so that Palin can show everyone how pro-life and pro-heterosexuality and pro-redneck she really is, but Levi Johnson’s also been forced to go to the Republican National Convention this week, too, according to his mother. People reports:
Sherry Johnston told reporters that Levi left Alaska on Tuesday to fly to St. Paul, Minn., according to the Associated Press… Asked to respond to reports that the young couple had been pressured to marry, Sherry Johnston replied, “Absolutely not.” She said that Levi and Bristol had plans to marry even before they learned that Bristol was pregnant.
So, thanks to a moment of thoughtlessness, Levi Johnson now gets to spend the best part of a week hanging round with a load of dusty old men who only talk about tax cuts and immigrants. The message is clear – kids, wear a condom. That sounds worse than chlamydia.
{ 134 comments… read them below or add one }
KODIAK MOMENT
NEWSWIRE–The 17-year-old daughter of vice presidential running mate Sarah Palin is five months pregnant. She plans to have the baby and marry the father.
Juno made its film debut
About an unwed teenage mother.
Alaska has a Juneau, too.
As well as one of the other.
http://www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Funny how nobody cares when non conservative girls get knocked up but if it’s a conservative Republican, the claws come out. Even if Hussein Barry Obamas Wife and both daughters got knocked up by aliens, this turd will never win.
Sweet sunny Jesus, the pressure and threats that must have been brought to bear against that family. Wow. The mind boggles.
The Republicans are dubming down American politics like never experienced before. Just wait until the entire Palin family gathers on stage at the GOP convention in St. Paul and introduces Bristol’s shotgun hubby, Levi, who will sing the theme from the Beverly (Wassilla) Hillbilies.
Do we as women say what we mean and mean what we say, what a great opportunity for check and balances.
He’s going to miss hockey practice where he reportedly had a knack for sneaking the puck through the goalie’s 5-hole.
“Funny how nobody cares when non conservative girls get knocked up but if it’s a conservative Republican,”
Let’s see if your talking-points addled brain can absorb this: When one is a proponent of abstinence-only education while ignoring the evidence that teenage pregnancy and STD rates tend to increase under abstinence-only programs, one should expect a certain amount of criticism when one’s own political positions fail to work in one’s own household.
And keep it up with the Hussein bit, it’s starting to work.
Wow, where were you people when Bill the zipper Clinton was staining the Oval Office………..
Look, I can reference dudes who haven’t been president in years too: where were you when Richard Nixon was committing fraud and arranging criminal activity for personal gain?
Where were you when Warren G. Harding was helping his cronies out with gifts of government-owned oil rights? HUH? ANSWER THAT ONE!
So Gir, using your logic, you think Hillary would have made a suitable President or VP?
That’s quite a leap. I won’t even bother to ask about your reasoning, as it’s clear you don’t have any.
By your logic, a guy’s middle name should exclude him from the presidency because you’re a racist.
You probably still claim that Obama is a Muslim and that George W. Bush is doing a good job.
Actually, I’ve never thought Barry Hussein Obama was a Muslim – he was rasised that way but now belongs to the racist Reverent Wright’s group. I actually believe his politics are Marxist. And yes, President George W. Bush has done a fantastic job. I do not fear being blown up by terrorists, the economy just came out with great numbers,I own the nicest home I’ve ever had and make more money than I ever have, and so does everyone else I know. I do think that since Hillary couldn’t control her wandering husband, she sure couldn’t control our country and deal with other male heads of state in other countries.I also still worry about her criminal activities.
Republicans are only mad at Bill Clinton because he got a BJ from a WOMAN. Most of the conservative sex scandals are gay.
Hey, I agree with Proud Rep. I don’t think Barry is Muslim, either, anymore at least. He’s now a total elitist with Marxist politics and he and his wife both hate America. That’s evidenced by the 20 devotion to Wright’s White Hating “Church”. I think Sarah Palin and her family are fabulous and the parents are handling the daughter’s situation admirably. To have Democrats jump on this like they have is the absolute height of hypocrisy after Bill’s adventures, Hillary’s “I don’t recall” answers to the various Grand Juries, and on and on it goes…
Tom Tee – I believe it is spelled “dumbing”…..besides, you Dems are the ones who wanted the system dumbed down so the minorities can get in, remember?
By the way, Since the Dems are so pro abortion, pro sex ed in school, pro affairs (over 80% illegitamacy rate in blacks), how come teen pregnancy is still so high? Oh yes, thanks Bill, for introducing our teens to oral sex, which really isn’t sex, it’s just recreation….
Really, Tom Tee and Gir – why aren’t you people slamming John I can’t keep my hands off my campaign workers Edwards — why don’t we get his North Carolina butt on stage with his girlfriend and find out if he is her baby daddy? Why the heck else would he be in hotel room in the middle of the night bouncin’ jr on his knee?
Beth, you are so cute! I think you forgot about Gennifer Flowers, his rape victim Juanita Broaddrick, the woman he also tried to paint as redneck trailer trash, paula (funny how he enjoyed trying to have sex with her even though she was trailer trash), and the cast of thousands that he’s had over the years. You know that’s why he would never release his medical records — to cover up his many STDs……Don’t worry about the BJ from the teenager in the Oval Office – she was the least of his harem.
Gosh Beth, thought you Libs loved Gays (remember how Ellen was cheered for “marrying” another homosexual last month) but this woman is being treated as the Devil Incarnate because her teen daughter is pregnant and NOT aborting her child. You people have no morals, at all.
Shut up faggots
Wow, McCain supporter, you think so highly of minorities. As a black woman, I really appreciate your comments about “dumbing down the system” for me.
Such vitriol. If everything is so great & wonderful for you, Proud Republican & the like, then why such hate? Seems incongruous. Oh yeah, I am a minority & used a big word. Sorry, I will continue to dumb down my talk for you.
I don’t have the time or the patience for this and I’m doing it anyway, you lying cunts.
“I’ve never thought Barry Hussein Obama was a Muslim – he was rasised that way”
You are a fucking idiot.
“I actually believe his politics are Marxist.”
Then you don’t know what Marxism is, big fucking surprise. That would involve LEARNING something.
“the economy just came out with great numbers,”
hahahaha you moron
“I own the nicest home I’ve ever had and make more money than I ever have,”
You do know that anecdotes do not qualify as evidence, right? You’ve heard that before? Or is elementary rhetoric the realm of the liberal elite?
“and so does everyone else I know.”
HOLY SHIT YOU MEAN EVERYONE YOU KNOW???? Really, I’m surprised that you associate with people of the same socioeconomic class as yourself. Amazing.
“That’s evidenced by the 20 devotion to Wright’s White Hating “Church—
The 20 devotion aside, I like the “Church” bit. Dismissive and yet hypocritical, given your attempted painting of Obama as an elitist. Cheers, you enormous twat.
“I think Sarah Palin and her family are fabulous and the parents are handling the daughter’s situation admirably.”
You don’t know shit about them. And their daughter is pregnant at 17, and Palin is a proponent of abstinence-only education. Correlation doesn’t equal causation, but the Palin household is a microcosm of federally-funded sex ed.
“besides, you Dems are the ones who wanted the system dumbed down so the minorities can get in, remember”
Nice. Tell us more about these “minorities”.
“Since the Dems are so pro abortion, pro sex ed in school, pro affairs (over 80% illegitamacy rate in blacks),”
Perfect, thanks.
“how come teen pregnancy is still so high”
Hey, let’s play a game. I’m going to say something and YOU PAY SOME FUCKING ATTENTION: FEDERAL EDUCATION FUNDS MANDATE ABSTINENCE-ONLY SEX EDUCATION. IT DOESN’T WORK, YOU STUPID FUCK. Either you’re an idiot or a liar; I don’t care which but it doesn’t follow to blame leftist politics for the failed conservative policies in place. Don’t worry though, you can still blame the media. You stupid whining little bitches.
“why aren’t you people slamming John I can’t keep my hands off my campaign workers Edwards”
Because who gives a shit about John Edwards? What the fuck are you talking about?
And who still gives a shit about Bill Clinton? Jesus, you idiots just love to go all scattershot in your accusations don’t you? Somebody’d think Hillary was the nominee, Bill is her VP and John Edwards and Obama were going to be on the Cabinet.
“but this woman is being treated as the Devil Incarnate because her teen daughter is pregnant and NOT aborting her child.”
Yeah, both those things are true. God damn it, do you pay attention at all? If you’re going to lie, do it elsewhere. Stupid cunt.
sorry Rosa, but statistics have proven it. You are a rarity and I applaud you. Listen to the P Diddy tape on You Tube- it proves my point…..
Gosh, Golly Miss Rosa – you think Proud Rep hates and has vitriol? I think he/she is just being frank and is absolutely correct. Have you heard Rev. Wright’s “sermons” against White People? How about Louie Farrakan and his crowd? Let’s don’t forget the Rappers and their “music” if we can use the term loosely. Now that’s vitriol…and frightening.
“Funny how nobody cares when non conservative girls get knocked up but if it’s a conservative Republican, the claws come out.”
Proud Republican:
We “Non conservative girls” have parents that let us go on the pill at 16… and taught us the importance of condoms to prevent both pregnancy and STD’s…
Then we are not forced to marry a self proclaimed redneck/douchebag that we thought was cool when we were 16, and we can go on to have a real life, finish school, have a career… and not be on welfare or be supported by our parents or the govt.
Palin is a political whore and her daughter, well, she’s just a whore.
Wow, Gir sounds really educated, doesn’t he? Sounds like ‘da rappas – everyother word is Fuck or Cunt. Maybe he’ll graduate up to 5 letter words soon, ya think? Who cares about Bill C? Well, accoording to the press, the whole democrat party loves these people. Dang, he just about ended up as your first lady, er man, er philanderer, oh you know what I mean. Anyway, better listen up ’bout Barry. He still has terrorist leanings, thus the guy in whose home he launched his political career. And, don’t forget his hatred for America (removed the USA Flag from his plane).You better watch this Elitist Marxist….Summary: A Chicago Tribune article cited Barack Obama’s statement, “Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?” in an appearance at an Iowa farm as evidence that Obama has had more success among “wine-track” voters than among “beer-track” voters — though arugula is grown by Iowa farmers and is available at grocery stores throughout the state. The article also noted “white zinfandel with an Obama logo on the bottle” available at one rally as purported evidence of Obama’s “wine-track” affinity, though it could have just as easily highlighted “beer-track” anecdotes, including an event where Obama’s face was on the label of beer bottles.
In a September 24 Chicago Tribune article, reporter John McCormick wrote that Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL), in his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination, has had more success among “wine-track” voters — characterized by “higher incomes and more education” — than he has among “beer-track” voters, who have less education and “tend[] to care more about pocketbook issues.” The article went on to report that Obama, during a campaign stop at an Iowa farm, “made it clear that he sometimes forgets he is not in his intellectually and financially affluent section of Chicago’s Kenwood neighborhood” when he asked: “Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?” According to the Tribune: “That comment came despite the fact that Iowa does not have any Whole Foods stores, nor do its farmers typically grow the leafy green.” As Media Matters for America documented, however, arugula is grown by Iowa farmers and is available at grocery stores throughout the state.
Additionally, the Tribune offered purported evidence of Obama’s “wine-track” affinity — citing a portion of his stump speech to claim “Obama seems to prefer wine to beer” and noting that “it was white zinfandel with an Obama logo on the bottle that was for sale at a rally one recent evening in Dubuque, Iowa.” The Tribune, however, could just have easily highlighted “beer-track” anecdotes, including the following:
The Associated Press reported on September 24 that as an Illinois state senator, Obama was a “founding member” of a group that regularly participated in poker games during which “beer and cigars were staples”:
Obama was a regular at the low-stakes games sometimes stud poker, sometimes draw designed to break up the tedium of long legislative sessions. Poker, beer and cigars were staples; Democrats and Republicans, lawmakers and even the lobbyists who Obama sometimes rails against dealt the cards and placed their bets.
The New York Times reported on July 17 that an Obama fundraiser in San Francisco featured “boutique beer with Mr. Obama’s face on the label”:
Senator Barack Obama was the guest of honor at a dinner at the luxurious Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco this spring with a few hundred lawyers, executives and investors. The guests drank a boutique beer with Mr. Obama’s face on the label and contributed more than $1 million in $2,300 checks to support his bid for the Democratic presidential nomination.
The Associated Press reported on June 23:
Except for the American flag backdrop and the presidential candidate onstage, Sen. Barack Obama’s fundraiser Friday night could have been mistaken for a rock concert.
Beer was served in plastic cups, the young crowd snapped photographs with cell phones, and a deafening roar of approval met Obama at the Hammerstein Ballroom a venue known for rock, rather than rubber chicken.
The Tribune reported on May 3:
From the moment he arrived in the Illinois Senate, it was clear to many that Obama didn’t plan to stay. Just months into office, he approached then-Senate Democratic Chief of Staff Mike Hoffman and offered to buy him a beer. The two adjourned to a hotel bar.
From the September 24 Chicago Tribune article:
Obama himself offers other evidence that he can sell himself in working-class and rural areas, often pointing to his strong showing in southern Illinois in his lopsided 2004 Senate victory.
Still, during his first major Iowa farm visit earlier this summer, he made it clear that he sometimes forgets he is not in his intellectually and financially affluent section of Chicago’s Kenwood neighborhood.
On the farm that day, while trying to make a sympathetic point that farmers have not seen an increase in prices from their crops, Obama posed the following question:
“Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?” he asked. “I mean, they’re charging a lot of money for this stuff.”
That comment came despite the fact that Iowa does not have any Whole Foods stores, nor do its farmers typically grow the leafy green.
Hard-working anecdote
The need for Obama to appear more working-class is perhaps reflected in the periodic inclusion in his stump speech of a recent experience helping a union health-care worker as part of the Service Employees International Union’s “Walk a Day in My Shoes” program for candidates.
“I went with her to work that day, and we made his bed and helped him get dressed, and we scrubbed the floors and made him breakfast and cleaned the house and did the laundry,” Obama recently told an audience. “I have to say, it was one of the best days I have had on the campaign so far.”
Still, after a hard day’s work, Obama seems to prefer wine to beer. In another section of his stump speech, he recalls a recent decision to visit a remote South Carolina town with relatively few voters to woo a state legislator’s endorsement.
“I must have had a glass of wine or something because I said ‘fine, no problem,’” he says in one of the anecdote’s laugh-lines.
…
He’s too good for us middle incomers, I guess.
Oh, by the way, I’m not a cunt, as you put it (come on, lady is a four letter word, too, try it, you can do it)…I’m a male PhD in Engineering.
Dear Proud Non Republican: You are proud because your mothers let yu have sex at 16. Wow, what an accomplishment. If you “Non conservative girls†who have parents that let you go on the pill at 16… and taught us the importance of condoms to prevent both pregnancy and STD’s…then why is there so much teen STDS and pregnancies out there? Doesn’t sound like they did anything but make you sluts.
….Then we are not forced to marry a self proclaimed redneck/douchebag that we thought was cool when we were 16, and we can go on to have a real life, finish school, have a career… and not be on welfare or be supported by our parents or the govt….Sounds like Hillary Clinton, doesn’t it? Now there’s one serious political whore…..
Dear Proud Non Republican: You are proud because your mothers let yu have sex at 16. Wow, what an accomplishment. If you “Non conservative girls†who have parents that let you go on the pill at 16… and taught us the importance of condoms to prevent both pregnancy and STD’s…then why is there so much teen STDS and pregnancies out there? Doesn’t sound like they did anything but make you sluts.
….Then we are not forced to marry a self proclaimed redneck/douchebag that we thought was cool when we were 16, and we can go on to have a real life, finish school, have a career… and not be on welfare or be supported by our parents or the govt….Sounds like Hillary Clinton, doesn’t it? Now there’s one serious political whore…..
I am so glad you are Not a Republican..
Fucking hypocrite republicans. If this had happened to a democrat we would be hearing all about how the “demon-rats” suck for not being able to keep their homes in order.
What a bunch of fucking spackers.
Really.
The girl is a sneaky little cunt. She was raised by her meat eating, shotgun slinging mother who thinks its ok to hunt wolves from airplanes (fucking airplanes people). What does that tell you?
Sarah Palin a fucking know nothing, favor pulling, corrupt, cross-eyed twat who has ZERO experience nessecary for VP. This is the most entertaining thing the republicans have done in years. To see them scambling and squirming is just so fucking fun to watch.
Unfortunately 59.9% of all Americans are dumber than dogshit and will probabally put her in office.
Oh yea, I almost forgot, her kid is a fucking mongoloid.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….etc
Gir, Gir, Gir, you are such a typical lib – nothing but four letter words. Chill, man, you’re gonna pop your bloomers! I know truth hurts but you gotta get used to it. Barry is an Elitist Marxist who complains about the cost of arugula……can you spell arugula, Girle?
Wow, Gir, you sound like a 9 year old who just learned some great swearwords!!?? Are you one of those liberals who cannot let those who disagree with them express their opinions in Free America, like Obama, or what?
Obama, with his wealth of experience of 142 days as a member of the Senate, who funds infantacide, will never beat the awesome team of McCain and Palin. America is with them.
hahahahaha damn.
Obama Supporters Unite! Obama has no credentials and Biden, the plagerist, is just another old white guy from 30 years in the senate (some change, huh?)– So they need help to trash opponents – sounds like the old Clinton game book is back but it won’t help this time. McCain and Palin are wonderful and will be elected!!!
Wow, sounds like Gir is blowing a gasket! It never fails, when the liberals have no substance and cannot refute common sense, they resort to screaming curses. He sounds so illiterate.
Sarah Palin is a dream candidate and will overcome the Democratic attacks. We need her new blood – Obama has campaigned on CHANGE and what does he pick for VP? One of the oldest and most dishonest (plagerist) men in the senate. That’s some change, huh? What a couple of toads.
Oh yes, Gir, chill out, Dude. When Obama loses he may need you as a mercenary if he can’t get uncle Osama to bomb us.
Tom Tee Says:
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
The Republicans are dubming down American politics like never experienced before. Just wait until the entire Palin family gathers on stage at the GOP convention in St. Paul and introduces Bristol’s shotgun hubby, Levi, who will sing the theme from the Beverly (Wassilla) Hillbilies.
===============================
LOL…Can you imagine 4 more years of this?
Lord knows we need a change…we need balance.
Republicans have failed us these past 8-years.
And they’re asking for more?
One party dominating the country is very bad.
Less than one-half of America even votes.
PEOPLE…
Get registered (form at any library) and help lead America!
Poor old Gir needs a prozac and to shut up and realize Obama is a fad that’s now gotten old. The American public has seen thru his smoke and mirrors and realized the Emperor has no clothes. Biden for VP – now that’s bottom of the barrel. Change, yeah, right.
wow, TT-guess you didn’t notice that the Dems had congress for 40 years until America came to its senses. Funny, when you aren’t winning you don’t want the other party to Dominate – did you feel that way after 8 years of the rapist? What are you and Gir smoking?
My word, there is some serious sockpuppetry going on here.
I agree with Joke Police, this thread is infested with sneaky sockpuppets.
oh my god. shut the fuck up.
It does appear that one of the key criteria in the US elections is whether the nominee prefers wine or beer. Thanks to the helpful Americans out there for debunking Obama’s culinary credentials for a naive outsider.
Anyway, I’m off to eat a plate of arugula while my plagerist (sic) sockpuppet posts a similar opinion below.
You are an idiot! We love Sarah Palin here in Alaska. She is the real deal, which is why we voted for her for Governor in the first place. Who cares what party she is in, she is for the people, not the party. Give it up P-Dummy!
Lol…
The Palin family are basically a bunch of rednecks. Face it people. They’re gun-toting, fundamentalist christian, life-time NRA member inbreeds. Ok, maybe the ‘inbreeds’ part was a bit over the top, but she has a mongoloid kid… from being stupid enough to get pregnant in her forties.
The woman running for VP is going to be a grandmother at 45 ffs. And she has *five* children. FIVE. I mean really? Get real. Grow up and realise that is McCain and this joke of a VP candidate win, the world will hate us even more. They’ll realise America wants to be a second rate nation which lags behind in science, industry, and civilised discourse.
Hahahaha….
*breath*
ahahahahaa…
Awesome thread guys, keep it coming. If ever there was proof that America is fucking doomed…
Anyone for popcorn?
there is no way in hell i’m reading all this
Gir, is it because you cannot read? Wow, love the hatred for disabled people up there – notice it’s filled with misspelled words? Since when it is a sin now to have more than one Child–unless you’re a red communist chinese. Oh yes, it’s awful to be a grandmother at 45 – white trash and negro women usually make that honor in their early 30′s…….
Wow, this is one weird thread! I see lots of hatred in here that I do not understand. It seems lots of these readers are very scared of Vice President Palin. She is an awesome woman who is going to make her mark on this country. It’s so refreshing! Wish you folks would relax and enjoy it. What’s the difference in a hockey mom and a pit bull – that was awesome! Joe Biden seriously sucks.
Dururururur I CAN’t READ I’M, STUPID REBUBLICABNSKASKD