Everyone Hide! Foxy Brown’s Out Of Solitary!
If you ever want to destroy a robot, the easiest thing to do is to mention 'Foxy Brown' and 'good behaviour' to it in the same sentence – you'll flip a switch in its logic-board and send it into a shrieking fiery meltdown.
So, if any robots are reading this, look away now. Foxy Brown has been granted an early release from solitary confinement due to good behaviour. That's right, even though Foxy Brown and good behaviour are like two polar opposites on the moral spectrum, Foxy Brown has been let out of solitary confinement after serving just 40 days of the 76 she was given for her part in a prison fight. Still, at least this way the other inmates at Rikers Island jail will receive the greatest Christmas gift of them all – the gift of Foxy Brown.
No, wait, the greatest gift of all is a Nintendo Wii. The gift of Foxy Brown is actually quite a disappointing gift.
Whatever you think of her, you have to admit that the world was a quieter place with Foxy Brown locked up in solitary confinement in Rikers Island prison. Admittedly it was only quieter because there were fewer screams of pain from people who Foxy Brown had kicked, punched, sprayed with fake-nail glue or slammed in the face with mobile telephones, but that still counts.
Just over a month ago, furious rapping midget Foxy Brown was sentenced to eleven weeks of her one-year jail sentence in solitary confinement after getting in a fight, failing to comply with a drug test and screaming abuse at a prison guard. For 76 long days, Foxy Brown would have nobody but herself for company in a tiny cell; only being allowed to exercise, visit the library or speak to her attorney for one hour a day.
But, possibly because there was nobody close enough for her to lash out at, Foxy Brown apparently behaved well in solitary. Well enough that she's been let out after just 40 to rejoin the prison community at large. And, although it's a lot to take in all at one, it seems as though this period of reflection has been just what Foxy Brown needed to see the error of her ways and start her life afresh with a new positive attitude. According to Foxy Brown's manager Chaz Williams:
"Foxy is out and her spirits never wavered. While in solitary, she continued to answer each and every fan letter. She also told me she wrote some pretty hot songs while there. She's back in the law library and looks forward to ending this chapter in her life."
See? Not only is Foxy Brown keeping in touch with her fans and learning the intricacies of the American legal system – presumably by starting at the chapter entitled Punching Someone In The Face With A Mobile Phone: Good Or Bad? – but she's also got back into songwriting.
There's no release date as yet for the fruits of Foxy Brown's creative burst in solitary, but we've already heard very good things about the new songs. The track Hello Mr Woodlouse (You'll Be My Friend Won't You? Don't Leave Mr Woodlouse I Love You) is apparently very strong.
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Is anyone else not bothered by the notion of 76 days of being left the fark alone?
“…furious rapping midget…” That’s effing funny.