When hecklerspray was a wee lad our pappy lost his job. He’d been cobbling shoes for almost two decades when all of the sudden he had nowhere to be come nine in the morning.

It was because he was released from prison. He cobbled the shoes of inmates. Regardless of his prior employment, at the time of which we speak he was jobless – until it struck him that rich people would be willing to pay cash money for the lactate of the poor. He started a bottling company complete with strange looking mechanical contraptions and has been busy ever since.

When the chips were down our dear ol’ Pappy did the best with what he had. The same can be said for Eva Longoria – she’s unemployed for the summer now that her one show has ended for the season. And although it’s more than likely she’s tempted to sulk up in her room and wonder why she can’t ever work in the summer – she went and got a job at Wendy’s instead.

She works the drive thru.

It’s a semi-truth that Eva Longoria decided long ago that if she’s ever gonna get to actually touch Dave Thomas‘ dead laminated body – she’d have to get in close proximity to it. She intends to do so, apparently, by finding the kitchen-ventilation system it’s kept in at a non-specified Wendy’s kitchen.

It’s a big job, as there are over 2000 fine Wendy’s restaurants all over the world, and to find the precise one that houses Thomas’ remains could take years – so Longoria better get started. Which she did, apparently:

“The “Desperate Housewives” star worked the drive-thru at the [Wendy's] restaurant Tuesday to help kick off the Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, an event that donates 50 cents for every Frosty sold to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and its signature program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids.”

Thank you Associated Press. And let us just say we are shocked and appalled that Longoria’s temporary Wendy’s employment had so little to do with finding Dave Thomas’ corpse. In retrospect we realise it was all speculation on our part, partly because if we were ever working at a Wendy’s it would only be to gain a close proximity to Mr. Thomas’ remains, and thank him for so many delicious hamburgers over the years.

Also it would be to put his nuts in a pickle jar and sell them on eBay. Now let’s see if we can find an online job application somewhere.