Eva Longoria & Beyonce Lesbian Sex Movie Cruelly Denied

Eva Longoria Beyonce Lesbian Sex Movie Tipping Velvet DeniedSometimes movie pitches can sound as if they've been directly tapped from a hormonal 14-year-old boy's mind, like the movie pitch where Eva Longoria and Beyonce roll around having lots of especially graphic lesbian sex for two hours.

Unfortunately for all you crusty-mouthed perverts out there, the Eva Longoria/ Beyonce lesbian movie was never anything more than wishful thinking from one anonymous mook on the internet. Make that potentially punishable wishful thinking, because Eva Longoria's only just heard out about this whole lesbian Beyonce rumour, and she's as angry as hell. Because Eva Longoria certainly won't be making a sensitive movie about the tender forbidden love affair between two beautiful women made by an Oscar-winning director, because she's way too busy making a million dreadful adverts like the one for fizzy drinks that make us want to stab ourselves in the eyes until it's finished.

She's a bag of contradictions, that Eva Longoria, isn't she? She's happy to talk endlessly about sex and how excellent her shaved vagina is, she's happy to accept awards for being sexy and to show her giant cameltoe to the whole universe, but – judging by Desperate Housewives – Eva Longoria never takes her bra off during sex, and is remarkably coy to put her money where her mouth is when it comes to… um… getting naked in a lesbian film with Beyonce.

We knew this whole celebrity sex thing had to come juddering to a halt sooner or later, because if things carried on the way they'd been going lately, the world would have just ended up too shagged out to do anything productive. Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley in a lesbian film together, that we can handle – after all, the script was apparently written by Keira Knightley's mum, so it shouldn't really include too many scenes of it going in. But now that Kevin Federline's going to sell the Britney Spears sex tape, the planet's randyometer has been pushed up into dangerous, previously undiscovered, territories. If a lesbian sex film starring Eva Longoria and Beyonce was released on top of that, it'd send everyone into meltdown. Not that we'd ever have expected to ever see Beyonce naked in a movie, of course – the most interesting she gets is when she gives people epileptic fits and only eats syrup for days at a time.

But those were the rumours that started spreading across the internet last week; that Eva Longoria and Beyonce were to make a movie remake of Tipping The Velvet, a story about two sexy lesbians getting it on together, that was to be directed by Sofia Coppola. Sadly – or luckily, depending where you stand on gratuitous lesbian sex movies – Eva Longoria has destroyed any notion of the movie, as she told People:

"Stop the madness. Believe me, I would love to work with Beyonce one day. She's so talented. But this is definitely not something we are doing together. It's completely and absolutely not true. Beyonce and I just did the L'Oreal event a couple of days ago and we were like, 'What is the deal?' What makes me crazy is that there are quotes out there, quotes from me saying it's true. But in fact it's not true. And (there are) quotes of Beyonce saying it's about time we had a female Brokeback Mountain. And we're like, we never said that." 

Of course – both Beyonce and Eva Longoria star in a bunch of L'Oreal adverts too. That just makes the news that their lesbian sex film was just a big lie all the more galling; not only would we have been able to see two of the world's most beautiful women going at each other like a couple of lesbian octopods, but their hair would have looked really wonderful too.

Read more:

Eva Longoria: I'm Not Starring In Lesbian Movie – People