***Come here tomorrow evening for all the Eurovision liveblogging you can stuff your gullet with***
This is finally it – after three billion years of these Eurovision betting odds, the Eurovision Song Contest finally takes place tomorrow night – so to tie things up we're going to be looking at this year's godawful UK Eurovision entry by Scooch.
Before that, though, let's look back on all these Eurovision betting odds. We've covered a wide variety of music over the last month; awful songs, bad songs, good songs and… oh, who are we kidding? None of them have been good. But most of them have at least been entertaining. Oh, that's not true either. Look, the majority of Eurovision songs have been useless, but don't let that stop you from placing a bet on the winner of Eurovision will you?
Here are the Eurovision betting odds for the Ukraine and the UK, with help from Paddy Power…
Ukraine (pop. 47,732,079; a republic in eastern Europe) Verka Serduchka, Dancing Lasha Tumbai
In years to come, parents all across Europe will tell their children in hushed tones that if they don't behave, Verka Serduchka will sneak into their bedrooms at night and sing Dancing Lasha Tumbai at them until they go mad. Because we've just seen Verka Serduchka perform Dancing Lasha Tumbai, and already we're crying and shaking with some kind of post traumatic stress disorder. For the uninitiated, Verka Serduchka is part transvestite and part Teletubby and his song Dancing Lasha Tumbai is the song they play in the eternal elevator down to hell. There isn't really a tune to it, more of a constant, neverending Europop beat accompanied by a scary chap shouting the words "Dance!" and, confusingly, "Seven!" over and over again. Verka Serduchka makes Lordi from last year look like Daniel O'Donnell. Current Eurovision betting odds – 10/1
UK (pop. 59,553,800; a country in western Europe) Scooch, Flying The Flag
And finally to us. There's not a lot that hasn't already been said about Flying The Flag and Scooch, because after you've used up the obvious words – like 'shit', 'bollocks' and 'embarrassing' – there isn't a lot of ground left to cover. But anyway, Scooch are a pop group that have failed once already in their career and Flying The Flag is the song where they dress up in flight attendant uniforms, sing a song about how great the UK is and then say "Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?" Flying The Flag by Scooch is an embarrassingly shit bunch of bollocks that makes Daz Sampson from last year look like John Lennon – but will Europe fall for Scooch? We'll find out tomorrow night, but we expect it probably won't. Not when there's a Ukrainian transvestite shouting the word "Seven!" to contend with. Current Eurovision betting odds – 20/1
Next week – some other nonsense we haven't decided on yet. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
And don't forget the Eurovision liveblog tomorrow.
Internet Pedant says
I’m appalled that no-one is rushing to defend dear old Scooch. After all the Bulgarians have launched a massive counter-attack (well, a lot of suspiciously closely-timed, near-coherent comments) after their song was trashed by the ‘spray. Practically a month after the original post, too.
Clean your years, Mr Heritage, clean your years…