Eurovision Betting Odds 2007: Norway, Poland, Portugal

Eurovision betting odds! Get your Eurovision betting odds here! They're lovely and warm and fresh and housetrained and three times more absorbent than last year's Eurovision betting odds and, um, oh look, you get the idea.

You kids had better not forget that the Eurovision Song Contest is taking place next Saturday night, and it's your right - no, your duty - to spend the duration of it reading the second annual hecklerspray Eurovision liveblog. That is if you're not tempted away at the last minute by something better, like an offer to go puppy-buying or a date with a man who wants to stab dirty syringes into your eyes over and over again.

Here are today's Eurovision betting odds for Norway, Poland and Portugal, with help from Paddy Power…

Norway (pop. 4,593,031; a Nordic country on the western portion of the Scandinavian peninsula) Guri Schanke, Ven A Bailar Conmigo

We're up to the 'N' countries in these Eurovision betting odds already, and so far there's been a disappointing dearth of pretty girls in hardly any clothes singing bingy bongy pop songs. It looks like we might have to do with Ven A Bailar Conmigo by Guri Schanke, who would be the prettiest, least-dressed female Eurovision entry ever, so long as the Eurovision Song Contest was being held on a slightly tatty cruise ship for pensioners. Apparently Guri Schanke is a well-respected cornerstone of Norwegian showbusiness, but you'd never guess it from Ven A Bailar Conmigo. It sounds like something Ricky Martin turned down for being too rubbish, with jarring simpleton lyrics like "Let's dance the night away/ Just move your feet to the beat." Still, Ven A Bailar Conmigo's daft cheeriness makes a nice change from all the angry Eurovision songs about death this year - although if we ever hear it again it'll be one too many times. Current Eurovision betting odds - 40/1

Poland - (pop. 38,626,349; a democratic country located in Central Europe) The Jet Set, Time To Party

Actually, scrap what just said; compared to Time To Party by The Jet Set, that cheery Norwegian song sounds like Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead. Time To Party is so preposterous we can't work out whether it's incredible or useless. There's a Europop rapper and a girl with gigantic boobs who sings from inside a cage. Part of Time To Party sounds like Sexyback, part of it sounds like the Black Eyed Peas and, thanks to a huge shuddering tempo change, part of it sounds like the theme-tune to Sharky And George. There's nothing we'd like more than to print the lyrics to Time To Party by The Jet Set in their entirety - not since the invention of Babelfish has there been a more gross mauling of the English language - so here is our favourite bit: "I'm a little bit crazy, crazy, like a baby, uh/ You got it going baby/  When it's raining and bad news is on TV don't get crazy." Is Time To Party by The Jet Set incredible or genius? Can't it be both? Current Eurovision betting odds - 80/1

Portugal (pop. 10,566,212; a democratic republic located on the west and southwest parts of the Iberian Peninsula) - Sabrina, Dança Comigo

We have to be careful here because, as lousy as Dança Comigo is, we think we'd probably like to marry Sabrina one day, and a bad review of her Eurovision song would almost certainly put the kibosh on that. So then… Sabrina is one of those cute, fresh-faced starlets that Eurovision likes to deluge us with, and her song Dança Comigo has a nice way of describing the power of love by harnessing the forces of nature - "Come dance with me through the waves of adventure/ and I promise I'll give you oceans of tenderness" etc - but the song itself is, well, bad. It's not the brainless Mediterranean sound of Dança Comigo, more that neither Sabrina nor her backing singers can actually sing. We can probably say that and she'll still marry us, right? Current Eurovision betting odds - 150/1

Next week - Romania, Russia and Serbia! But if that's too long to wait - or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with - head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.