Eurovision Betting Odds 2007: Czech Republic & Denmark

Strap yourselves in for another high-octane week of Eurovision betting odds - where you place bets on a notoriously amateurish continental singing competition that doesn't even take place for almost another month. And bloody well enjoy it.

But an early bet on the Eurovision Song Contest isn't as dumb as you probably think. Because it's so early, most of Europe hasn't had the chance to listen to all of the Eurovision entries yet and thus hasn't had the chance to hear how badly the Albanian song sucks or how brilliant slightly better than mediocre the funky disco vocodery Belgian song is. Basically, the odds are good now, and it's your own fault if you don't exploit that.

So here are the Eurovision betting odds for the Czech Republic and Denmark, with help from Paddy Power…

Czech Republic (pop. 10,287,189; a landlocked country in central Europe) Kabat, Mala Dama

Last year, Finland famously won Eurovision with Lordi - the prosthetically made-up hard rock devils. However, all those masks and costumes must have been uncomfortable and expensive - so the Czech Republic have struck upon a cheaper alternative. That alternative is Kabat - a hard rock band so unforgivably ugly that they don't need to bother with any prosthetics. The costume money could have been spent elsewhere, though - particularly on the band's lozenge budget, since Kabat sing like they've been gargling battery acid and razorblades and washing it down with gravel. Kabat's Eurovision song is Mala Dama, a song about a woman who is probably vaguely sinister to some extent, although you'd never guess it from the song's translated lyrics: "I would die with her in a single day/ And if that is not enough for you/ If there were a hundred women there/ I'd ask her to dance even though I don't dance." Yeah! Death or, um, dancing. Rock and roll! Woo! We kind of wish that Kabat had picked a song from their breakthrough album, She Has It Motor Like, though. In a word - terrible. Current Eurovision betting odds - 66/1

Denmark (pop. 5,411,405; geographically the smallest Nordic country) DQ, Drama Queen

Europe is slowly waking to to the fact that the only people who care enough to vote for Eurovision are ironic students and homosexual men. That's why the Czech Republic entered a deliberately godawful band, and it's also why Denmark has entered DQ into Eurovision. Putting it in as delicate terms as we can, DQ is a fat bloke called Peter in a can-can dress dancing around a massive shiny crown to bad disco pop. We're sure that DQ is meant to get all of Europe's gay community bouncing up and down in their seats screaming the word 'fabulous' at each other, but surely the gays will be able to see through this bunch of opportunistic bollocks. Luckily Peter is able to set out exactly what a drama queen does in his lyrics - "No more reason to run and hide/ Let's make all our dreams come true tonight." So basically like Jimmy Saville, then. In a dress. With a somewhat pronounced ballbag bulge. Current Eurovision betting odds - 25/1

Tomorrow - Estonia and Finland! But if that's too long to wait - or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with - head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.